Damn the Consequences, Part II

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,

but by the moments that take our breath.

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I’m going to put it all here. Each day I’ll write to you. I’ve kept almost all of our correspondence … except for that first year. At the end of our first year, you’ll remember, I tore everything into little pieces and put it in a trash bag. You didn’t know it at the time, but I gave it to you with the rest of the trash and let you send it to the dump. I thought it was appropriate even though I knew it was something that would make my heartsick later. It did. I regret it to this very day.

Remember the day when I told you what happened to it all? You said, “I have so much more inside me to write.” It was no big deal to you because you felt there would be so much more between us. Moments like that remind me how I could have loved you so much that I allowed it to continue. You knew how to talk to me. You knew what I wanted to hear. No, needed to hear.

I have everything after that first year, emails, love letters, instant messages, poems, flowers, pictures and my diary should have enough details about our phone calls, text messages and anything else. I don’t have the heart to destroy anything again.  I’m putting it all here for you. You put me through so much. See it from my side. It’ll be the good, the bad and the ugly of us.

“You know there’s an attraction between us.”

Okay, what we both knew was finally spoken out loud. We went back to work after that heart stirring lunch. I was distracted and an absolute idiot the rest of the day. We didn’t say anything else about it; we just went about our lives. I could assure myself that I wasn’t a bad person. We didn’t really do anything. It was just lunch. Unfortunately, it was just the beginning.

Days went by. We weren’t adulterers. We didn’t do anything wrong. We went to lunch like lots of co-workers. Just once, no big deal.

I lost sleep and couldn’t eat. I was becoming a nervous wreck, I was obsessed. You were all I could think of day or night. I didn’t know what I was going to do. You were married. I hate adulterers. In a movie when they contemplate an affair I always yell and say, “don’t do it!”

Each day my feelings changed. I went back and forth, I was so confused. I can honestly say that from the beginning to the end of our relationship I felt every possible emotion there is. Nothing happened between us yet at that point and already I had felt nervous, scared, confused, excited, sad, happy and angry. See, it does go back to that love/hate thing.

I couldn’t keep my thoughts and fantasies under control. I didn’t have these thoughts every now and then; they were twenty-four hours a day. I could hardly sleep. I fantasized about conversations that we might have or already had … and I imagined kissing you and our emotions getting out of control.

Our relationship at work was back to normal. Although there were times when we would give each other a sad confused look or smile. Weeks later you finally asked what we were going to do about it and I certainly didn’t have an answer.

Then that Friday afternoon when you went out the door saying you were going to work Saturday morning and you would have your phone on if I needed you. I said okay and goodnight. I thought that was a little strange because you had never before told me your weekend plans and what did you mean about needing you?  So I called your cell right then and asked.

“I was hoping we could meet after I finish in the office,” you replied, laughing. I loved your laugh; I could almost see your Adams apple bobbing up and down.  I couldn’t have said no because I didn’t want to say no. I said, “YES!”

I was excited; it was all I could think about for the rest of the evening. I think I kind of felt like it wouldn’t really happen. That something would come up and we wouldn’t meet. We didn’t have any definite plans. How could you make plans when you really didn’t think it would actually happen?

The next day after knocking on my door, we walked out to the car. Strangely quiet, like strangers. You opened the car door and saw me seated again. Before you even started the car, you leaned over saying that you wanted to get the hard part out of the way.

You kissed me. I think it started out as a quick little peck but when our lips met and tried to part, we kissed softly again, then again. I could smell you and I just wanted to breathe deep but you whisked my breath away. There didn’t seem to be enough cool, clean air to breathe. My only breath was when a small little moan escaped my throat. And I never wanted to come up for more air.

Your arms wrapped around me and mine crept between us to rest on your chest. I have never in my entire life been kissed so thoroughly. My insides melted and could no longer support the weight of me. If I had been standing, my knees would have buckled. You held me up in your warm loving arms causing my toes to curl in contentment.

More sounds came out of my throat that I had absolutely no control of. It became frantic and passionate. God, you tasted so good! We couldn’t get enough. The kisses seemed like they lasted for an eternity and definitely not long enough. When one of us would come up for air, the other would pull us back for more.

You finally pulled away and we looked at each other with shock and a kind of unleashed hunger.  NMW

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What do you think of Damn the Consequences so far? Should they go for it?

Hey readers, if some of you recognized the kiss, it was my New Year’s Kiss and you can see it here.