Turning 30

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Next week I’m turning 30 and it’s totally weird.

I’m not upset about it; in fact, I’m kind of indifferent. I don’t feel 30, I don’t look 30 (or so people tell me), and I feel like just yesterday I was turning 20. Time really does fly, and it goes into warp speed the older you get.

The good news about this is that for every year that goes by, you (hopefully) get smarter, a little wiser and you start realizing that you are actually learning shit and retaining it for next time. I started thinking about it the other day – how much I have changed since I was 20.

I’m out of college, have a steady job that I love, am in a serious relationship, own a dog and an apartment. It’s surreal to think that in the next ten years I could do adult things like get married or have a kid or buy a house. Sometimes I still think of myself as that 18-year-old girl with no clue what to pick for a major and no idea of how to have a steady relationship.

When I really think about it though, I realize that I’ve learned quite a bit in the last ten years. So here’s my 30 Things I’ve Learned by 30 That I Wish I Knew When I Was 20.

1. You don’t have to impress everybody. Or, for that matter, anybody.
2. You don’t have to wear makeup everywhere.
3. If you have a fight with your boyfriend and stand up for yourself, he won’t automatically dump you (unless he is a butthead).
4. It’s okay to laugh at yourself.
5. Your mom really is your best friend (and yes, best friends can drive you crazy sometimes).
6. Staying at home on a Saturday night is absolutely okay for the following reasons: you want to have a seat at all times; you want a clean bathroom at all times; it’s not too loud; you don’t want to pay $8 for a beer; and/or you don’t want to find a parking space/cab.
7. 99 percent of the time, if you tell someone what you really think (in a nice way), you won’t regret it later.
8. 99 percent of the time, if you are drunk when you “hook up” with someone, you will regret it later.
9. You have to force yourself to save money.
10. Your grandmother knows a lot more shit than you do – and you should listen to her.
11. Curtains really do finish a room.
12. If you want something, just ask. This applies in all areas – from clothing discounts to romantic relationships.
13. Everyone doesn’t have to like you.
14. In the right arena, speaking your mind is a lot more gratifying than being “polite.”
15. Waiting for the butter to soften before making chocolate chip cookies DOES make a difference.
16. HBO.
17. Your dad can be a very cool drinking buddy – and a surprising confidante.
18. That thing your parent did to embarrass you? No one cares.
19. No matter how much you avoid it, one day you will say/think/do something that makes you realize you sounded like one of your parents – and it won’t kill you. In fact, it will be kind of cool.
20. Just because someone is a figure of authority doesn’t give them the right to speak to you like you are an idiot.
21. Men respond much better to simple, direct statements. Don’t make them guess what you are thinking – it frustrates you both and no one really gets what they want in the end.
22. Holding grudges is pointless.
23. It’s OK to say “no” without giving a reason why.
24. 90 percent of what you buy today goes to Goodwill tomorrow. Be choosy when buying clothing…or just shop at Goodwill.
25. Stop complaining and do something about it.
26. Sometimes people disappoint you. Sometimes you are related to those people. Sometimes knowing that is more disappointing than whatever they did.
27. Accept someone the way they are or walk away. Don’t try to change them – it never works.
28. Patience really is a virtue – what’s the damn rush anyway?!
29. Everybody farts. Everybody.
30. You don’t have to know everything right now. Or ever really.

Emily Campbell

Emily Campbell is a perpetually single, 20-something girl-around-town who loves Shakespeare, old movies, Natty Boh, and of course, long walks on the beach. A sales manager by day and freelance writer by night, she was recently forced into a life of involuntary celibacy when her last relationship fizzled out over a text message. She’s tired of settling for second – or tenth – best, and she’s ready to find Mr. Right. Or, Mr. Nearly Right. No one’s perfect…which she has learned the hard (but hilarious) way.