Taking Note of a Few Things: The Sex Toys Edition

It’s difficult to shock me. Sometimes, however, I see something and think to myself, “WTF were people thinking?”  Yesterday was one of those times.

I never thought I would see the day when my local CVS sold sex toys.  That’s not a typo.

It all began when I was waiting in line to pick up a prescription. With four people ahead of me and only one person working the counter, I did what I usually do while waiting and glanced over the shelves next to me.

Normally, when I wait, there is the row with fiber and other dietary aid products. Sure enough, there was the fiber, right where I saw it the last time when I grabbed some. So I turned my attention to the shelves on my right and glanced at them expecting to see cold products, vitamins, allergy medication, or pain relievers. After all, this has normally been the case at all the other CVS stores I have picked up prescriptions from. In fact, it was the case at this store the last time I was in it a few weeks ago.

The first thing I saw was four lower shelves of condoms. I know drug stores sell them, but normally they are toward the very back of the store and not in one of the main aisles. I began studying all the brands and types sold from regular to ribbed and colorful to flavorful. Bright colored boxes with bold lettering were enough to make a person think buying condoms must be cool.

My mind flashed to the grocery store, and all the condom options made me think of the endless boxes of cereal to buy. It can be overwhelming to the point I just say, “Screw it, I’ll just have fruit for breakfast.”

Next to the condoms were almost as many choices of “Personal Lubricants.” I don’t care how old you are, I dare anyone not to chuckle when they see good old “Astro Glide.” My mind now went back to seventh grade and Mr. Walrath blowing a gasket when he mentions the planet Uranus and the class erupts in laughter.

The line has not moved yet so I am now studying more of the shelving. However, there is now a woman behind me so I try to keep my eyes on only what is in my natural line of vision. I glance upward where I see one of those clear locked cases stores are forced to use more to prevent shoplifting. “Who cares if someone steals some condoms,” I think.

This is when I realize I am no longer in the world I once inhabited. Inside the locked case were sex toys.  I’m not a prude and I know a sex toy when I see one and there they were for sale. Of course, you would need to ask one of the three 20-something girls who worked at the store to unlock the case in order to purchase one. Still, they were there, and they were at eye level for anyone in the damn line to look at, including the woman behind me with the eight-year-old boy she was with.

The strange thing about these sex toys was that instead of bold shiny boxes like the condoms, they were in generic looking boxes, each toy in a different colored box, but with names that told you clearly what they were for. My favorite name was The Butt Buzzer,a vibrating but plug, which made me think it might also help someone who was constipated. It sat between The Plug, presumably the non vibrating butt plug, and The Rings, three different sized rings to squeeze the man berries during intercourse.

Let’s not forget The Stoker, a few women’s vibrators, and some contraption for some sort of oral sex. I wanted to read more about it but by this time, the cute little Asian gal behind the counter who looked all of 18 was asking me for my name and date of birth.

I felt like saying to her, “I’m really not a dirty old man,” but even I knew if I said that she would just think the opposite.

When I finished, I decided that I should not need to be the only one caught off guard and that I was going to catch someone else off guard. I wanted to see a manager but of course, they no longer exist, at least not at the floor level of stores. There was just one woman working up front so I walked up to her. Of course, she wasn’t much older than the one at the pharmacy counter, but that was not going to stop me.

I simply explained to her there was a problem I thought she might want to bring to her manager’s attention that could cost the store customers. She seemed quite concerned so I continued. By the time she heard this old man use words like cock rings, vibrating butt plugs, and dildos, her mind had to be racing with thoughts she never knew existed. Hey, if customers have to stare at the damn products while they wait for their medication, it is only fair clerks have to hear us use the products names.

When I walked out of CVS, I felt pretty certain that the clerk was going to go directly to that aisle and check out what I told her. I also felt just as certain her manager was going to hear from her. What I could not be certain of was whether those products were going to be moved to another area of the store or if the prescription pick-up line was just going to be moved to the next aisle over, the one with adult diapers, portable toilet seats, and colonoscopy products. I can’t wait to find out.

Speaking of cock rings, I have not said much about Donald Trump and his guilty conviction primarily because if I have learned one thing about the American justice system is that it ain’t over until the old fat men on the Supreme court say it is.

While the guilty verdict was nice, I received about two seconds of pleasure from it only because if his buddies on the Supreme Court toss it out, I won’t feel so saddened. This is where we are as a nation. His verdict only reinforced how strong Trump is loathed and loved. I don’t expect much movement in the polls unless he or Biden gag on a CVS vibrator during their first debate. Then, perhaps, the undecided will begin to become more decided.

If Biden chokes, he may have no choice but to step aside for a younger candidate. However, I believe Old Joe is chomping at the bit to square off with an unhinged Trump on live TV. It will be his best chance to visually show the world the difference between the two candidates. If Trump uses the debate to bitch and moan about the rigged government and goes off on how he is going to have his own personal political vendetta as part of his next term in office, he might convince enough undecided voters we do not need him again as our president.

Biden may be old, but he comes across as presidential. In fact, because he does and has so far not relied on attacking Trump the nut job nearly as much as he has relied on his accomplishments, when Trump goes on a rant, it will make Biden’s statements about what he has done for the nation seem all the more impressive to fence sitters.

Then again, what do I know?  I never thought I’d see sex toys in the main aisles at my CVS.

Something I am almost as sick and tired of as I am Trump is all this nonsense coverage of Caitlyn Clark. The girl is popular and was anointed as the greatest female hoops player way too soon. Her legion of fans are now forced to see her struggle against professionals, lose far more than win, and not be selected for the U.S. Olympic Team.

The reaction of white people over Clark’s Olympic snub is a perfect example of white privilege. So she is popular with fans. Big deal. Maybe she would bring more attention to the Olympic coverage. Big deal. Maybe it is just me, but it seems Olympic coverage has been more about finding female athletes to turn into product promoters and be sexualized and not much else.

If you do not believe me, do this: Watch the coverage on two separate days. On the first, take a shot of alcohol every time the camera shows a butt shot of a male athlete and see how long it takes for you to get drunk. The next day, do the same only take a shot every time the camera shows a shot of female athletes and their butts. I am betting you will wake with a massive hangover after watching the women.

It’s no longer a big news story when Israel accidently kills 200 innocent victims in a school because they bombed it into oblivion. We live in a society where individuals will get into heated arguments over the likes of Caitlyn Clark while we pretend not to know what to think about the random killing at best or the Israeli government’s attempt to eliminate an entire race of people from the planet.

The Los Angeles Lakers were left with egg on their face when they were turned down by UConn’s head coach Dan Hurley. It didn’t look good that they low balled him, considering what a great job he has done in college. Hurley made the Lakers look like a second rate organization when he walked away from their offer.

If the Lakers want to win over an extended period,  they should get rid of LeBron James and Anthony Davis. As much as James claims otherwise, he wants to be the person who makes coaching and personnel decisions while also being a liability as an old man, well past his prime. His career has been helped by the way the NBA has placed a greater emphasis on long distance shooting and not allowing contact by the defense. As for Davis, he is great when healthy and almost certain to come up lame when needed most.

Hunter Biden’s conviction is not the same as Trump’s no matter how much people try and spin it. Trump is running for president and has numerous other trials awaiting him. Biden’s conviction is only a story because his father is President, but has no connection with him.

On the other hand, Steve Bannon is just one of many of Trump’s former associates who either are or will be doing time. That number really adds up when you include the January 6, 2020 criminals who stormed the capitol.

Tomorrow, I get to strip down and get my skin checked for any possible signs of melanoma. It will mark a year since I was initially diagnosed.

This weekend will mark 17 years since my life changed forever when I was nearly killed in a bicycle accident. Chronic pain and fatigue are now just a way of life and I await another procedure later this month that if it works, will provide me some temporary level of pain relief.

I think if I did not have the mindset of an athlete, always in training for something, I’d either be dead or parked in a recliner hooked on pain meds and alcohol. While I am often amazed at the drive some folks have when it comes to their careers, I am thankful I learned a long time ago to have the drive to push myself physically. It’s as if all those hours I spent training for something were all preordained to help me deal with the fallout from my accident.

Despite this, I have not adjusted to hiring others to do jobs I think I should still be able to do. I now have someone who cleans my house to save my spine from a lot of discomfort and I hire out young men to do labor my shoulder no longer tolerates. The nice thing is it allows me to invest in young 20-somethings who are looking for ways to make money that I no longer see young white kids wanting to do.

When you raise kids to think they are too good to do certain kinds of work, you just set them up to either be failures in life or pricks to be around. Let your kids get their hands dirty while making a buck.