Muppets Most Wanted not quite the Muppets of old

Kermit the Frog and all his furry pals return to the silver screen in “Muppets Most Wanted.” (Disney)

2 out of 4 stars

Be forewarned: At the start of “Muppets Most Wanted,” you’ll be treated to a Muppet rendition of “We’re Doing a Sequel,” during which Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Gonzo and all their fuzzy pals jokingly make fun of the need for movie follow-ups.

Here’s how the chorus, which even rhymes, should go: “Our last film The Muppets made $165 million in 2011, so of course we’re cranking another out, as Jim Henson rolls his eyes from heaven.” 

“Muppets Most Wanted” takes over where we “The Muppets” left off. Kermit and Co. are preparing for a tour through Europe but get caught up a jewel heist headed by a Kermit look-alike named Constantine, who escaped from a Siberian prison.

The Muppets hire a manager (Ricky Gervais) without knowing he’s in cahoots with Constantine, who with the exception of the green glob over a mole on his cheek and a thick French accent, looks just like the real Kermit

Authorities mistake the real Kermit for Constantine and the next thing you know, Constantine is running the Muppet Show like nothing happened, while Kermit’s in prison.

C’mon, really? You are telling me that Miss Piggy, whose bacon has been sizzling for Kermit for decades, wouldn’t become the least bit suspicious if Kermit started talking and acting like Napoleon Bonaparte?  Please. You’re telling me his best buds Fozzie and Gonzo are that stupid?

Henson’s rolling around in his grave.

I felt like apologizing to my 6-year-old daughter for subjecting her to 112 minutes of a movie trying to be a Muppet movie. I grew up watching “The Muppet Movie,” “The Great Muppet Caper” and “Muppets Take Manhattan,” which were movies starring Muppets, not Muppets simply appearing in movies. There’s a difference.

The nicest thing I can say about this film is my daughter liked it, so it wasn’t a total waste of time.

From Animal to Beeker to Zoot, all the Muppets appear in the franchise’s latest film, just not in harmony. It’s almost like movie executives said to each other “Let’s mix the Muppets with some well-known Hollywood stars, add some cameos and cha-ching, we’re going to cash in like it was 2011 all over again! It may not be easy being green, but it is to make green!”

Tina Fey is OK as a prison warden. Gervais is OK, too. In fact, the word OK can be used to describe the plot, the songs and the acting.

In the end, “Muppets Most Wanted” takes the Muppets from the U.S. and sends them to Europe, where it takes a group that has been around each other for more than four decades almost the entire movie to figure out something is not right with Kermit.

Miss Piggy sings. Gonzo’s goofy.  Fozzie tries to be funny. Statler and Waldorf criticize. Animal bangs on the drums. It’s all what you expect. The movie never carves an identity for itself, as it’s basically 2011’s ‘The Muppets” overseas.

The franchise has prided itself on elevating the Muppets, considering they’ve been filmed on Broadway, in space and on Treasure Island.

Now, Disney has put them someplace else: at the heart a cash grab.

Think twice before forking over your dough.