I moved last month. As a result, I had to go an entire two weeks before I could get internet and cable set up at my new place. Two whole weeks without Anderson Cooper. Fourteen days without my daytime talking heads. Three hundred thirty-six hours without a breaking story, round the clock coverage of the election, or over analyzing some nut job who has gone to some extreme that the media had no choice but to take a break from the Donald and Hillary show.
On June 8th, my personal crisis ended, but rather than turning to the boobtube, I had weeks of stuff to get caught up with on the internet. It was just a matter of time before I lost all my Facebook friends due to my failure to share any observations I felt were so important that they had to be posted just so I could interrupt their lives.
Next came new flooring. It’s hard to watch television when new flooring is being installed so again, no TV for me.
Finally, the dust settled, I was no longer following my dogs around and cleaning up their nervous messes and now had time to relax and watch a show or two. But then I did something really stupid. I thought it would be a great idea to plug the television into a surge protector rather than the outlet is was connected to. I was just thinking of the well being of my flat screen, but had no idea doing so would wreak havoc with my cable.
All that the technician hooked up and had working just fine was lost. Now I have no TV signal. Worse, I felt too stupid to call the company to tell them what happened so I have waited (I admit to more than a few insecurities). No NBA finals. No Orlando coverage. And no screaming talking heads shouting over one another working me up into a frenzy.
What’s a middle aged man in the process of a divorce to do for those moments of entertainment. I’m too old to know how to stream, whether it is up stream, down stream, or any other kind, so forget about the internet as my TV. My remote is of total uselessness unless I need an emergency paperweight.
Then I found the answer. It’s called the Mini and Peanut Entertainment Network. Yep, my puppies are far more entertaining than the ass hats I have become addicted to on cable. Best of all, I have it at my access all the time because my two puppies are determined to be my personal Wifi and follow me everywhere I go, including the toilet and shower.
Mini is the morning mutt who wakes up and provides me with instant entertainment while Peanut begs for a few more hours snoozing while curled up into my armpit. No need to wash the sleep from my eyes when a dog’s tongue awaits first thing.
Meanwhile, Peanut tends to be more the evening mutt who may be in need of his own personal surge protector based on his increased energy level. Now it is his turn to annoy Mini after she had the audacity to wreck Peanut’s morning with body slams, pins, and submissions.
In between, they trade off rounds of chasing, wrestling, toy stealing, and pouncing all for my general amusement while making me forget to check the headlines or see what is trending in this sometimes sorry world of ours. And should I decide to relax and put my feet up for a bit, who do you think is right there ready to shut off their motors and nap at my side?
Now some may think I live an incredibly boring life. My typical day may center around going for a long bike ride and then writing about something. Those people are wrong. I have all the entertainment a middle aged guy like me can handle and the best part is, it is instantaneous and comes with endless licking, sniffing, and yes, sometimes unexpected attacks on me by two of man’s best friends. What’s better than that?
Jim is a life long resident of California and retired school teacher with 30 years in public education. Jim earned his BA in History from CSU Chico in 1981 and his MA in Education from Azusa Pacific University in 1994. He is also the author of Teaching The Teacher: Lessons Learned From Teaching. Jim considers himself an equal opportunity pain in the ass to any political party, group, or individual who looks to profit off of hypocrisy. When he is not pointing out the conflicting words and actions of our leaders, the NFL commissioner, or humans in general, he can be found riding his bike for hours on end while pondering his next article. Jim recently moved to Camarillo, CA after being convinced to join the witness protection program.