Elections: It’s good to have choices

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Now that Hemet Unified School District Superintendent Barry Kayrell has announced he will retire at the end of the current school year, I have been flooded by the national media asking me if I will drop my presidential run and apply to be Kayrell’s replacement.

Others are wondering whether or not I might toss my ball cap into one of the Hemet UnifiedSchool District (HUSD) board races.

Let me tell you, as a candidate, it’s good to have choices. As a voter, well, you guys are screwed depending on my decision. It’s best to weigh the pros and cons of all my choices before making a life altering decision.

First, the school board is off my list. There’s no money, lots of work, and too many meetings. Besides, those of you who know me know I won’t just sit up there and pretend to listen to complainers. I will either fall asleep or give them a tongue-lashing. It might make for good theater, but nothing more.

As for the other two jobs. HUSD Superintendent comes with lots of perks. One, you pretty much get to delegate all the work to a bunch of ass kissers and then toss them under the bus when things go wrong. You only show up to campuses when it does not interfere with your golf game, massage, or free tickets to a sporting event. You get to wear a lanyard with a photo ID to make you look like you are one of the guys. The budget is yours to do what you want with and when teachers complain, you get to say it is not your fault, you are just doing what the state and feds require.

The superintendent also gets to rename all the current programs and give them snappier titles and then tell the state and feds you are in compliance with their new guidelines. Every two years you get to reinvent the wheel, require staff to undergo a bunch of expensive and unnecessary training, and just when they get the hang of it, you change it all again just to piss them off.

All of this also comes with a very plush office complete with your own shower because you work up a sweat hiding from the public in an air-conditioned office. Finally, when you retire, you not only collect a sweet pension, you then become a well paid consultant, adjunct professor, and interim superintendent for other districts, all of which make you one very wealthy SOB. Sounds tempting.

However, as POTUS, I get a big white house, a camp named David, my own jet and helicopter, an oval shaped office, round the clock cooks, maid service, a garden filled with roses, a private movie theater, and all the free golf and vacation time I can handle.

Also on staff will be people who will take a bullet for me, usher in and out all the hot women I can bang while the first lady is revamping school lunch menus, and all the astronaut pens (the kind that write when you are hanging upside down on your inversion table when you get a brain fart) I could ever need. Those pens come in handy when I want to write an executive order to circumvent working with Congress. And all of this comes with a cool nickname; mine will be Sky Walker.

For me, the choice is simple: I am in it to win it and will become the next POTUS. Besides, I have to believe my chances of winning these elections are better against an Ass Hat like Donald Comb Over Trump and a perpetual liar like Hillary Clinton, than any of the decent locals who might serve on our school board or become superintendent.

Yes, Sky Walker might be my code name but my middle name is Taking One For The Team.