April letters to Jim: Stay at home and read them

Lots and lots of mail from my fans about the virus. I am not referring to our president although that is a good nickname for him. I mean the actual virus known as COVID-19, aka the bug that killed Corona Beer sales.

Dear Jim,

You must be like the rest of us and have a number of thoughts about this Coronavirus. Would you please share some with us? Thanks. Alive and Well

Dear Alive and Well,

There was once a time when March Madness meant college basketball. Now it means hoarding toilet paper all because of a virus that actually does not give us the runs. None of this makes sense which in itself makes sense when you consider nothing that comes out of our President’s mouth about this makes sense. This virus is showing us just how sick of a nation we are and it starts from the top and snowballs downward.

When our president is more interested in getting people back to work than he is in providing our hospitals with ventilators, masks, and beds for the sick, you know it is every person for themselves. When the NRA sues to have gun shops open because they provide an essential service, it’s because there are enough warped minds out there who think an AK-47 and a case of Charmin are all that is needed to win this war for our war time president.

I do, however, have more hope we will find a vaccine for this virus long before we find one for this self-inflicted mess we call leadership.

Dear Jim,

Are you surprised the president’s approval ratings have increased during this crisis? It seems like he has made matters worse. Am I wrong?  

Dear Wrong,

You are right. The president has made a mess of all this. It began by ignoring the advice of experts over the severity of what was headed our way and continues right through his daily rants, tweets, and news conferences. However, you have to understand, Trump supporters are not the sharpest tools in the shed and their memories seem to be MIA. As long as they wake up and see something where he has offended someone, fired someone, or pointed the finger at someone, they’re happy with the job he is doing.

The more important question is will his numbers continue to rise as his own MAGATS (Make America Great Again Trump Supporters) begin dropping like flies?

Dear Jim,

What if anything gives you hope we will get through this crisis?  Thanks. Hopeful

Dear Hopeful,

I guess it is knowing that despite his rocky start, our president has seen fit to turn to Alex Rodriguez for advice on what to do. When I think of solving a medical crisis, I like to think a guy who cheated at a sport by relying on PEDs knows more about beating the system than some guy who has served every president since Reagan for such matters. Don’t be surprised to see A-Rod replacing Mike Pence on this year’s ballot as soon as he finds the cure we all need.

Dear Jim,

Any thoughts about the sports world being brought to a halt all because of COVID-19?  I never thought I would see the day this would happen. Is there a sport you miss the most? Thanks. A Sports Fan

Dear Sports Fan,

As long as we have marble racing to turn to, we will weather this sports tragedy. It does not sadden me the least to see the NCAA basketball tournament canceled or the financial hit the NCAA is taking as a result. They deserve this when you consider how they take advantage of college athletes.

The NBA and NHL are holding out hope they will be able to finish their seasons. Why?  Oh, money. It is the reason for everything sports related. Baseball claims they are willing to play through Thanksgiving to get in their season. Why? Money. The NFL plans to continue with their draft and holds out hope for an uninterrupted season. Why? Money. New stadium construction is deemed essential business. Why?  Money.

Has anyone considered using sports venues as holding centers for temporary hospitals for this virus?  Have they considered turning the Staples Center into a housing facility for the homeless during this crisis?  What’s that you say? Those won’t make billionaires richer? Oh, I get it.

For now, I could care less about the sports world. I do not care if seasons are cancelled, leagues fold, or if ESPN is forced to show reruns of Sports Center.

Dear Jim.

How will this virus affect this year’s election process? Should it be put on hold? Thanks. Curious

Dear Curious,

By all means, the election should be put on hold if you are Trump or in the GOP. You see, they have the most to lose when the death toll rises above 100,000 people. All those flippant remarks Trump and others in the GOP made about this virus will be used against them this fall and if the death total is as high as predicted, between 100,000 and 200,000, they will be the kiss of death for the GOP. This is precisely why Trump will move to postpone the election and his MAGATS will eat it up as a move only a strong and caring leader would make.

Even if Trump steals, uh, I mean wins, if he loses both the House and Senate, he is likely to be looking at new impeachment charges over how he handled this crisis. Just think, he stands to become a double impeached president if he wins or be told by the voters, “You’re fired.”

Until May, stay at home, if you feel sick, find a Republican to cough on, and if you can, send your COVID-19 check to the Los Angeles Post-Examiner. We could use the money because no one here is a billionaire.

Stay healthy.