Augmented Reality: The American way

Listen to this article

This is now the term we use to call people who walk around malls, restaurants, or the middle of freeways seeking some non-existing character that was once part of an annoying card collecting fad. My, how things have changed. It use to be augmented reality involved slamming down a few drinks and suddenly thinking the guy or girl next to you was attractive enough to go to bed with. Now it involves imaginary characters. We’re in trouble.

I remember ten years ago when a student gave me a note excusing him from PE because of his broken arm. When I asked him how he broke it, he informed me he did it playing baseball. Since this was a student who wouldn’t run to save his life, let alone to first base, I was stunned and asked him if he was on a local team. Turned out, he broke his arm playing Wii baseball when he swung an imaginary bat at an imaginary ball and hit his calcium depleted arm against a real wall.

Kim Kardashian is augmented reality. In fact, most anyone in Hollywood is augmented reality. Americans think these people are real, but they aren’t. They tell us what causes to take up, who to vote for, and even threaten to leave the country if a certain person is elected. In reality, they live like royalty and laugh at their fans who keep them swimming in royalties.

Darrell Issa is augmented reality. So are all the other politicians we elect to serve us in Washington, D.C. I actually listened to Issa, one of the wealthiest politicians in the nation, explain why it is never a good idea to tax the rich too much. He really believes we should feel sorry for the wealthy because they are asked to do more than their fair share. Perhaps if they didn’t augment their tax returns, they might not be taxed as much as they are.

I know people don’t want to hear this, but a lot of our poor live in augmented reality. They really believe they are poor despite the abundance of jobs that go to augmented citizens. You see, when poor people from other countries come here to work as fruit and vegetable pickers, motel cleaners, and countless other low paying and back breaking jobs while many poor citizens refuse to work, they really are not poor, they’re just lazy.

If you really want to watch augmented reality, watch the news. Fox News, MSNBC, and CNN are among the more heavily augmented news networks out there. They sensationalize stories when there really is not much to report. They do a great job of this whenever they need to increase their ratings.

It’s amazing how some stories can be made out to be an example of racism when more often than not it is just meant to sensationalize an event to get people to tune into the news.

Seriously, does anyone really believe public bathrooms are a major crisis today or does the topic make for more viewership than the economy, education, military expenditures, or our dilapidated infrastructure?

Let’s not forget, augmented reality is not immune to hypocrisy. We can augment our reality sucking down a six pack or two of beer, but God help us if we allow someone to smoke pot to augment theirs. Who cares if a doctor prescribes narcotics more powerful than heroin? Just don’t allow people to bake their brains after a long day of work or worse, an afternoon of chemo.

Perhaps my favorite example of augmented reality is the WWE. Remember, the E, for Entertainment, used to be an F, for Federation, but Vince McMahon switched it because even he admitted it is fake (actually, it was because the World Wildlife Fund owned the acronym WWF).

Yes, professional wrestling is an augmented world where grown men and women indulge in performance enhancing drugs to augment their bodies so they can seemingly beat the crap out of one another night after night. They are actors, not athletes, playing an ongoing role in a soap opera for sexually frustrated men who still have their Pokemon card collection from their childhood.

So the next time a herd of mouth breathing, cell phone carrying people show up outside your house looking for something called a Dipshitachew, remember, they are not the only ones living in an augmented world. Heck, that home you think you own probably is not yours. It really belongs to a large bank with augmented money that when it goes missing is magically replaced by leaders whose own augmented thinking has helped to screw up this once great nation.