I like to think of myself as reasonably intelligent and yet there are many things I just don’t understand. I also recognize my own inner laziness so rather than doing a little reading on some of these things, I thought I would just tell you what I don’t get and hope those of you who do will explain them to me or at least send me a YouTube link with a video of less than five minutes to explain for me.
- Math: It is the most over-rated subject in our schools. All the math I know I either learned from reading the sports page as a kid or from doing projects with my dad. I even know a math teacher who once confided in me, “If I was not a math teacher, I would have no use for 90 percent of the math I know.”
- Voters: How can voters really believe a candidate will make Wall Street pay for everything when they have a wife who works for one of its biggest offenders? How can a voter believe a candidate is a staunch believer in defending women from being taken advantage by men when she is married to a serial adulterer? How can a voter really think a guy who promises free health care, free college tuition, and economic equality is not going to cause the wealthy to leave our country? How can a voter think a candidate will actually make another country pay to build what we want built? How can a voter ignore the only candidate who refuses to go negative while promising to work with both parties?
Season Tickets: With HD televisions, who in their right mind would purchase season tickets for any professional sports team? Two tickets, parking, food and drinks for one game and you have just dropped enough for a 60-inch flat screen. Plus, you don’t have to worry about getting the crap knocked out of you when you use the restroom because of the team jersey you are wearing.
- Awards Shows: Why do we care about which actor, singer, reality star, or any other celebrity wins an award? Don’t these ass hats get enough attention?
- Driverless Cars: Why would you fork over a ton of money for a car you cannot drive? Besides, there are these things called buses, trains, and subways that allow you to eat, drink, talk, and text all you want at a fraction of the cost.
- Apps: My iPhone is without any apps except for what it came with and they go unused. I just don’t see the point of them.
- Regular Season: Name the sport and I bet its regular season is now nothing more than six months of exhibition ball with one month of playoffs at the end. Most teams in baseball, hockey, football, and basketball are out of it after one month negating their games to glorified practices. Then with expanded playoffs, 68 team tournaments, and something we call parity (no one is ever a bad team and no one is allowed to be great; kind of like what Bernie Sanders believes only applied to sports), you end up with a bunch of nonsense called regular season. Seems like a waste of time.
- “Protesters”: Just hang a sign around you that reads, “Came to get my ass kicked.” What do people think will happen to them when they show up somewhere they are not invited and yell at those who are? You can expect to get the the crap knocked out of you whether you show up uninvited at a biker bar or political rally. Martin Luther King, Jr. taught us the best protest is with holding yourself from the people you dislike. You can with hold your service, money, or vote as a sign of protest. However, show up with a sign and tell someone to eff off when you are outnumbered 100 to 1 and you will get knocked senseless.
- Kobe Bryant: What did he ever do to deserve a season in which he is allowed to bring down the franchise that made him a very wealthy man? How narcissistic can a person be and still not be running for president?
- NASCAR: Hey, I got a great idea for a sport. Lets drive around in circles for hours on end while fans get liquored up and hope for a fiery crash? Demolition derby cuts out all the wait time and is far more enjoyable to watch.
- Drug Testing in Sports: What a total waste of time and money. If drug testing was around in the NFL during the 70’s, there would never have been the Oakland Raiders. You name it, those guys smoked it, injected, snorted, or swallowed it and they still managed to show up and win, which was all their fans cared about. If a player’s “activities” prevent him from doing the job they are hired to do, professional teams will cut them. Until then, they are adults and should be left to live and die by their choices.
- Drug Testing at Work: Seriously, if we are going to randomly test athletes for drug use, why not test teachers, cops, secretaries, CEOs, electricians, doctors, and everyone else? Of all the people to drug test, it seems strange we test the one group of people where we have the least chance of being harmed by or ever becoming.
- Cats: I am fine with my neighbor’s cat coming into my yard and ridding it of gophers. However, as a pet, they’re pretty pointless. They master the art of unconditional taking and give nothing back. They shed, they scratch, they pee on the stove, and they hide at the first sign of trouble.
Not Exercising: Maybe it is because I have always been one to exercise. Maybe it is because I want to enjoy food and not have to worry about my weight. Maybe it is because I find “plus size” people to actually be morbidly obese. Maybe it is because I resent seeing my tax dollar go to caring for so many people whose real illness is gluttony. I just can not fathom why people do not enjoy exercising and making it a part of their life. Seriously, why would anyone choose to live an unhealthy life when all they need to do is take an hour a day to exercise? In the long run, it saves you money, allows you to enjoy life more, and releases feel good chemicals that are even cheaper than heroin.
- Day Light Savings: We are not an agrarian society any more. I think we are quite capable of getting to work in the dark and enjoying evenings while it still light out so we can play and blow off steam. Alaskans live in the dark half of their lives and with the exceptions of the Palins, they are able to navigate their way through life.
- I am sure there are plenty of other things I do not get, like wearing socks with sandals, but for now,I would be quite happy if some readers could explain to me why any of the above matters.
Editor’s note: Is James a classic curmudgeon? Let us know. Be sure to reply.
Top photo: Beyoncé and Jay Z at a Clippers game earlier this year. Do they need any more awards? (Claudia Gestro)
Jim is a life long resident of California and retired school teacher with 30 years in public education. Jim earned his BA in History from CSU Chico in 1981 and his MA in Education from Azusa Pacific University in 1994. He is also the author of Teaching The Teacher: Lessons Learned From Teaching. Jim considers himself an equal opportunity pain in the ass to any political party, group, or individual who looks to profit off of hypocrisy. When he is not pointing out the conflicting words and actions of our leaders, the NFL commissioner, or humans in general, he can be found riding his bike for hours on end while pondering his next article. Jim recently moved to Camarillo, CA after being convinced to join the witness protection program.