December Letters to Jim: Christmas. Credit Cards, Illegals and More

Welcome to the final month of 2024 and the final edition of my Fan Mail column. I suppose that I should remind readers what some still do not know; all my fan mail is written by yours truly. I figure if no one cares about fake news, they won’t care about fake fan mail.

I have been allowed to write for The Los Angeles Post-Examiner for a little more than ten years. To put that in perspective, that’s longer than any stretch I taught at any school during my thirty years as a teacher.

My editor, Tim Forkes, has been kind enough to allow me to use this platform to express my thoughts on a wide range of topics. I still plan to continue my Taking Note of a Few Things column as well as submit articles that focus on a single topic from time-to-time.

With that in mind, let’s see what is on the minds of my favorite readers.

Dear Jim,
I hope you burn in hell you worthless POS. It’s the only place suitable for a person who pokes fun at the life of Jesus and Christians who choose to celebrate his life at this time of year.<
Christ Lover

Dear Hypocrite,

Calling yourself a Christian is not the same as living your life and conducting yourself as Jesus would do if he were alive today.

I find it strange that some people really believe they are allowed to call themselves a Christian while owning so much hate toward other people. As I recall, Christians claim that Christ died in order so we can live and not so we can be judgmental assholes. Then again, maybe he died so we could chase Black Friday deals in his name.

I’ll keep a seat warm for you.

Dear Jim,
I have a terrible dilemma and need your sage advice. I am way over extended on my credit card debt to the point my husband has actually cut up my cards. My problem is, I have not done a lick of Christmas shopping. If I write checks or withdraw funds from our joint accounts, I’ll get busted. Should I apply for a couple more cards so I can make some holiday purchases? Have you any other suggestions?
Desperate

Dear Desperate,

It sounds like you were on the receiving end of some much needed, although untimely, plastic surgery. I see four options.

First, buy the kids Christmas cards and simply write that you screwed up and their dad won’t let you buy presents this year. Second, get a couple more credit cards and spike your husband’s eggnog before coming clean. Third; advertise affordable sex acts and once you’ve earned enough money, either stop or continue if the money is too good to say no to. Finally, file for divorce and find a wealthier man to fund your spending habits. Whatever you do, don’t get a job.

Dear Jim,
How has 2024 been different from previous years?
Wondering

Dear Wondering,

We are another year deeper into this shit show we think is a beacon to the rest of the world and have become that much closer to accepting this as normal.

Dear Jim,
If you could select any media outlet to write for, which one would it be? Surely you must dream of writing for a company that pays top dollar and makes you a household name. Who would that be?

A Person Who Wants You to Make It Big Time

Dear Person,

Do not call me Shirley.

What I don’t make in money from this gig, I make up for with the total freedom to pick any topic, say whatever I want, and write as much as I want. Believe it or not, some of my earliest articles used to bash President Obama, although I did not have a clever name for him like I have for Diaper Don.

At my age, why would I want to be assigned what to write or told what to or not to say? The Los Angeles Post-Examiner allows me to be the cranky old fart I have morphed into.

It might be hard for most people to grasp, but I am given freedom with my writing. I can think for myself. I can choose my words. I don’t even have any real deadlines. For me, it is writing in a purer form rather than being told to utilize specific words and phrases to increase on-line readership.

The most stress Tim Forkes ever placed on me was asking me to throw a shout out to our Claudia Gestro and her sports coverage, something I fail miserably at doing. Then again, I do not recall her ever giving me a shout out.

Dear Jim,
Do you believe if we rounded up and deported all the illegals living in our nation that we would become a better nation?
They Need To Go

Dear They Need to Go,

You need to try to actually learn rather than hand your brain over to idiots to think for you.

Let’s say, for argument’s sake, there really are 20 million people here illegally and they that each is taking jobs from legal citizens who crave working in our fields, fast food restaurants, motels, construction sites, and not to mention as CEOs who rip off hard working Americans. Then in their free time, they rape and pillage our communities because illegals never sleep.

Where are there 20 million mostly white people (Trump and his gang’s favorite people) who are looking to be hired to replace actual dependable and hardworking people who are grossly underpaid? Granted, there are probably that many who will gladly rape and pillage our communities to Diaper Don’s glee in order to rid us of minorities, LGBQT, pro-abortion supporters, and people like me who find it odd Trump chose a VP who sports an identical beard as his two oldest ass hat sons have.

Now, let’s also assume, these 20 million are sent back to their evil empire known as Mexico, afterall, aren’t all brown people from there? What makes you think they won’t be encouraged, no, make that supported, by the Mexican government to return here? Maybe Mexico just decides to stop patrolling their northern border and begin allowing terrorists, pregnant women, and gang members to come here and invade our peaceful God Loving nation, the same one that about one-third of was stolen from Mexico by us.

It’s safe to say if we can’t keep drugs from being smuggled into our nation, we won’t keep out 20 million drug smuggling murderers armed with a strong desire to do their part to stick it to a nation that robbed them of their land.

Maybe there are 20 million people living here illegally. From where I sit, they pose far less of a threat to us than the 72 million ass hats who voted for Donny Limpdick.

Dear Jim,
Why do we get so worked up over our presidential elections?
Concerned

Dear Concerned,

It is by design. The wealthiest and most powerful puppet masters know we will fall for this bullshit and forget the real reasons for our miserable lives. They own all of us.

Dear Jim,
What do you seriously expect from the Trump administration over the next four years?
Anxious

Dear Anxious,

Expect him to point fingers at the Biden administration for anything that goes wrong.

Be prepared to watch Republicans turn on each other and not accomplish much just as the first time Trump was in office.

He will stack the Supreme Court further if he gets the chance.

No one will be held accountable for the peaceful festivities known as January 6, 2021.

Trump will claim once again he only hires the best people, and we will laugh at who he hires and how poorly they perform on the job.

We will see, hear, and experience hate in ways we thought were long gone.

After all of this, Trump will drop dead sometime during the second week of office.

Dear Jim,
As 2024 concludes, what sort of wisdom do you have to pass on to offer us hope for a better 2025.
I Need Something

Dear INS,

Read the last sentence of my previous answer.

Dear Jim,
Are there any similarities between you and Donald Trump?
Be Honest

Dear Be Honest,

The closest I can come up with is I am probably 100 pounds of s#%t in a 50 pound sack while Trump is about 800 pounds of s#%t in a 400 pound sack.

Dear Jim,
How do you explain Trump’s popularity?
Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

If enough people sniff enough glue and then join an evangelical church, the next logical step is joining the MAGA cult.