June Letters: A rockstar biopic for Drake and other odd notions

Let’s join in with the theme of June Gloom and add a bit to it with fan mail.

Dear Jim,

My kids’ school year has ended which means I am stuck raising them by myself for the next two months. Have you any suggestions for me? If it involves money, forget it because we are trying to save up funds to go on a vacation in the fall to get away from these little brats. Help!

You raise a typical issue I hear about a lot. What does a parent do with their children when they really have no business being a parent? My deepest sympathies go out to your children. My guess is during the school year, you probably keep them out of your hair by keeping them involved in so many activities they do not have enough time to ask you, “Are we there yet?”

As one of eight kids, my summers included things like going outside to play. All I needed from my mom was a sandwich or two in the fridge and I was good to go. I don’t know how parents manage today. First, you must load your kid up with enough electronics to keep them from ever leaving their bedrooms. If that does not work, they need to be enrolled in science camp, travel ball, voice lessons, and college prep tutoring. No wonder kids today do not know how to ride a bike. They all need a full time Uber driver to take them from place to place just so mom and dad can catch a little alone time and make another baby.

I guess, when all else fails, you can go to your nearest shelter and bring home a puppy. It’s a known fact parents love puppies more than their own kids. They will show them love and affection they do not have time to show their own children and mourn the hell out of them when they pass rather than celebrate the day when kids turn 18 and get the boot.

Dear Jim,

Last year it was Freddie Mercury, this year it is Elton John. How do you feel about Hollywood’s fascination with rock stars? Who would you like to see them make a biopic about?

I can understand why a film was made about Freddie Mercury. Hollywood was right to wait the 20 or more years after he died to make a film about him, and it was a great way to revisit the music he and Queen created. However, last time I checked, Elton is still alive and on his 14-yearlong farewell tour. His career has died two or three times and he still comes back. If I sound like I am sick of the dude, it is because I am. It’s just about time for him to make a second remake of Norma Jean. He’s just waiting for Betty White to pass so he can capitalize again.

Get use to these projects because, as I have mentioned before, Hollywood has run out of ideas. To them, making a biopic about a rock star is original stuff. After all, there are more dead rock stars than there are Marvel characters so expect to see John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and The Backstreet Boys films. As for me, I will pass on these flicks like I pass on most others. I’d rather buy a greatest hits CD and listen to it by myself than see a film in a theater filled with patrons glued to their phones.

Dear Jim,

What is the most troubling thing you have read in the past month? Does it have to do with our president? The economy? Health Care? World Peace? I am curious to know what it is that keeps you awake at night.

Well, since you asked, I will tell you it is none of the above. What troubles me the most is seeing headlines from real news sources offering advice for people who should not be allowed to water down the gene pool lower than it is. Case in point, a quick look today at headlines on my news feed offered this gem, “How Often Should You Really Shower.”

We have reached a point in which we need to educate people about the basics in life. How often a person should shower? When should I eat? Should I change a dirty diaper? When do I call 911? We can’t keep life simple enough for the most simple-minded people on the planet.

However, this is what really troubles me, these same people can crack the Pentagon’s computer system.

I have no idea how to change the settings on my smart phone, but I damn well know when to shower.  Does this make me a dinosaur or a genius?

Dear Jim,

Have you watched the NBA playoffs and if so, have you any thoughts on them? I would love to know your take on Toronto super fan Drake.

Other than checking the scores the morning after, I have not followed the NBA post season this year. I am aware of Drake, but like most of the nation, have decided to wait for the Hollywood biopic on him to be released to fully appreciate who he is.

Dear Jim,

Looks like we are in a major trade war with China. Is the president correct to involve us in it or will this end up hurting us more in the long run?

Let me preface this by stating I know nothing about most things and since trade wars fall into this category, I have no basis for my reply.

That said, yes, it will hurt us. I have no idea how it will, but like most anything Trump touches, it will turn to shit in nothing flat. The bigger question is will it hurt Trump? Considering how loyal his followers are, no. Considering how much his detractors hate him, it changes nothing. It will remain like this on all other issues until the election next year. Between now and then, we will get to have our minds filled with political nonsense, idiotic tweets, promises that will quickly be forgotten, and debates about nothing. Can we just get the election over this year and move on with life?

Until next month, keep the letters coming my way. I love hearing from my fan base, even if most of my mail comes from prisons.