Letters to Jim:The Scary October Edition

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Welcome to our spookiest month of the year. It is not because of Halloween, but rather because politicians all over the nation will fill our minds with lie after lie to get what they want from you. Give yourself a break and read what is on the minds of my fans. I assure you, there isn’t a politician among them.

Dear Jim,
It seems a bit extreme for people to claim Governor Ron DeSantis is guilty of human trafficking when really, he is just guilty of a political stunt to improve his image. Why do people like you insist on making this into more than it is? Is it asking too much for you to tone it down and get back to actual reporting

Dear Disappointed,

Lots of people in Florida like what DeSantis did. Many conservatives across the nation thought it was a great thing to do. However, since I am not from Florida and do not consider myself a conservative, I see it differently. I will try to add a perspective that helps show why you feel different.

DeSantis actually flew the immigrants from the state of Texas and not Florida after they received flyers promising them good paying jobs. No jobs were waiting for them when they arrived at Martha’s Vineyard, so they were actually lured onto planes under false pretense. Let’s also keep in mind he transported these people across several state lines which becomes a federal offense.

Now, if you live in Florida, you probably like all of this because DeSantis used state money to make sure these people never set foot in Florida. We all know if they had, they would have quickly swooped in and grabbed all the best jobs in that state. I am talking about jobs like cleaning motel rooms, line cooking, and picking those wonder Florida Oranges.

The mistake was that DeSantis chose Texas for immigrants to fly to Martha’s Vineyard. You see, Texas Governor Greg Abbott also dreams big and sees himself as the GOP’s next presidential nominee. He’s only been bussing border crossers to liberal destinations. Since Texans like to think they do everything bigger, he wants to see DeSantis pay big for making him look small. What better way than bringing charges against a political foe who might stand in his way of becoming president?

Dear Jim,
Why is it always so controversial whenever a character in a film like the new Little Mermaid is cast as black? Can’t this country get over the idea that it is just a film? Why does a mermaid’s color even matter?

Dear Stumped,

I am with you on this one. I call this the “Jesus Complex.” Let’s face it, white America has been brainwashed into thinking Jesus was white. This has made it easier for us to assume most everyone of consequence, real or fake, is white. A generation of kids grew up with a white Ariel in the original Little Mermaid, so a remake that has her black becomes hard to accept, especially if you are a racist.

We also assume if it is a mermaid, she must have a killer body and drop-dead gorgeous looks. I don’t know about you, but whenever I spend too much time under the sea, I come out wrinkled and more haggard looking than usual. To live under the sea would most likely require a lot more body fat than Daryl Hannah had in Splash.

The most important thing for Hollywood to do when casting a major female role, real or fake, is to make sure it leaves women with more body issues than they had before they watched the film.

Ariel from “The Little Mermaid” (Disney)

Dear Jim,
Why won’t Biden do anything about our border? Why is it only Republicans care about securing our border? It’s high time Democrats admit they are wrong on this issue and start fixing it?
Border Bill

Dear Bill,

Let’s look at what you claim. You claim only Republicans care about securing our border, but the truth is they don’t. They use our border to instill fear among people like you by claiming it is out of control and your safety is at risk. What they forget to say is they have a horrible record with border protection.

Since Ronald Reagan was elected president, 24 of the last 42 years have seen a Republican in the White House. Twelve of those years were consecutive. Now I don’t know about you, but I would say that is plenty of time to have secured our border. No amount of funding or walls have worked which makes me think, perhaps the GOP doesn’t care to fix the problem nearly as much as claim there is one to rile up voters.

I have said this many times, but it is not like those who cross our borders are taking away jobs middle class white Americans desire. If you study crimes, you will also see the arrest rate of illegals is far lower than people who legally live in this nation. People here illegally know if they get popped for anything, they run the risk of deportation. They do the grunt work we are not willing to do for ourselves and live in conditions we would never tolerate, so from my perspective, I do not see our border under assault.

Americans need to accept the fact that until we are willing to do the sort of labor illegals do for the same pay, there will always be a need for their presence in our country.

My suggestion is you either get over this issue or start raising your kids to do the sort of work that is being done by impoverished people willing to go to great lengths to live here illegally just so they can make a living.

Dear Jim,
When you move to Tennessee, will you stop writing for the Los Angeles Post-Examiner and begin writing for another site? How do you plan on covering life in the Golden State when you move to the Volunteer State?
A Curious Reader

Dear ACR,

If you look at how much I am paid to write for this site, it only makes sense I move to the Volunteer State and continue writing for it. That said, I like to think I can continue providing my ignorant perspectives on California just as I try to provide them on other issues that go beyond it.

However, since you only described yourself as a curious reader and not a curious fan, I would prefer you not write to me because this page is only reserved for fan mail. The fact that I have to write my own fan letters should not matter.

  •  Editor’s note: We would love to have Jim continue his writing for LAPX when he is living … in MAGA country, i.e. Tennessee. Maybe he can turn the Volunteer State purple or blue.

Dear Jim,
With the war in Ukraine going badly for Putin, should we fear him ordering the use of nuclear weapons or is this another one of his bluffs? It’s hard to tell if he has come unhinged or if he really is a master at manipulating world leaders.

Dear Baffled,

I think the more the war goes poorly for him the more he is apt to want to use the nuclear option. However, if the war continues to go bad, there also becomes a greater likelihood of his generals standing up to him and not following through with his orders and instead, organize a coup that ousts him. It all comes down to how much his generals support his desire to expand Russia’s empire. One thing for sure, no matter what western experts claim, they have no clue how Putin will react which up to now has been to his advantage. My guess is, he will resort to chemical weapons but not nuclear.

Dear Jim,

You have said before you are a fan of the Boston Celtics. Have you any thoughts on the season long suspension the organization handed down to their head coach for having a consensual relationship with a female subordinate? Was the suspension extreme? Is there a reason he should be suspended if the relationship was consensual? I can’t make sense of any of this. Can you?
Finding it Strange

Dear FIS,

It is pretty simple. The Boston Celtics organization has a policy that prohibits any sort of relationships, whether consensual or not, involving a superior with a subordinate. Head Coach Ime Udoka knew this was a rule and apparently broke it. When he was fined by the organization this summer, he apparently broke the rule again. His superiors had no choice but to come down hard, especially after the public outcry over how the Phoenix Suns owner has carried himself at work.

The rule is there for a reason and whether it seems like a bad rule or not, as long as it is in place it must be enforced. ESPN big mouth Stephen A. Smith may think all of this is a joke and that it never should have been made public, but the fact is, all NBA suspensions are made public. Besides, how do you not address the issue of a team’s head coach not being with the team for the entire season?

When I was a senior in high school, I once dated a junior who was a cheerleader while I had a class in which I sat next to three other cheerleaders. That was complicated enough for me, and I was relieved when I got dumped. If I had dumped her, I would have faced the wrath of three other cheerleaders every day in class and might have even had to change classes.  Love knows no fury like a cheerleader scorned.

Boston Celtics Logo courtesy of the Boston Celtics

The strange thing about all of this is that former Lakers head coach Phil Jackson was dating Jeannie Buss when she was the owner’s daughter and next in line for when dad dropped dead. How do you go to management with a complaint about the coach when he lives with the owner’s daughter?

I happen to have obtained the actual job interview Phil went through for the Lakers job with Jerry Buss.

Jeannie: Daddy, you want your favorite daughter to be happy, don’t you?
Of course, I do. I would do anything for you.
Jeannie:In that case, I want you to hire my Phil to be your next coach.
Jerry:You know what that will look like? I am not so sure it will fly with league officials.
Jeannie:But daddy, he coached Jordan so I am sure he can handle Kobe and Shaq.
Jerry:Let me talk with Phil. Bring him in.
Phil: Mr. Buss, it’s nice of you to hire me for the job. I look forward to working with your daughter daily.
Jerry:Uh, I have not hired you yet.
Phil: My understanding with Jeannie is that the job is mine.
Jerry: Nothing is final in this organization until I say it is.
Phil: In that case, you might want to hurry and hire me. I have coached six championship teams
Jerry: Great, you are hired. There is just one thing. Your salary. I won’t pay much.
Phil: I’ll give you a discount. Since I am dating Jeannie, I just want five percent ownership.
Jeannie: Oh, thank you daddy. You’re the best. We need to hop on Phil’s motorcycle and buy him a house on the ocean.
Jerry: She’s all yours Phil. Good luck.
Phil: With the team? Sir, I won’t need luck.
Jerry: No, with my daughter.

Until next month, get a flu shot, pneumonia shot, vaccine shot before going out for Halloween and doing multiple shots. Be safe.