Life: Starting over

For anyone who is a regular reader of my rants, sarcasm, and observations, you will have noticed I have been missing of late. Life has a way of forcing us to see ourselves in ways we may not want to and at times when we certainly feel we cannot be bothered.

I have lost track of time lately and only know it has now been almost two weeks since I moved out of the home I have lived in the last 19 years and into one I purchased for myself and two puppies. I don’t remember if it was late April or early May, but somewhere around then my wife informed me she wanted a divorce. I’d like to say it was a complete shock, but it wasn’t. We’ve put each other through the ringer enough times over 32 years and both agree we deserve the chance to grow old with someone who actually gets us.

There is nothing wrong with my wife or myself for that matter. We just are two people who somehow managed to drift apart rather than grow closer together over the years. That happens. However, all too often no one does anything about it. They choose to settle rather than take the risk of thriving and spend the last third of their lives married to a friend who they love, but not to someone they are in love with.

For many, divorce is the ultimate admission of failure. Too often, people mask that failure by blaming the person they married and spew some of the most hateful comments about someone they once loved enough to take the marital plunge with. There is none of that with my wife and I. Sure, we have had a few cross words and difficult moments, but for the most part we have come to the realization neither one of us is able to complete the other. Because of this, I neither think of myself, my wife, or our marriage as a failure. It is just merely over.

Together, my wife and I, more her than me, have raised three incredible children who are all choosing their own path in life. We succeeded, along with fantastic doctors, to get a child given a 50 percent chance of living two weeks to now thriving on her own in the real world. Our other two children are also loving life as they chase their own dreams in their own parts of the world: Hollywood, Brooklyn, Humboldt County; three unique places for three unique kids.

I am now retired after a 30-year teaching career and yet in many ways I think of myself as Mary Tyler Moore in her 1970’s sitcom, someone thrust into the real world no longer with a net to catch me if I fall. It’s been two weeks and I have not fallen yet and I do not see myself doing so any time soon.

I am in the midst of a remodel and now making all the decisions. For those interested, sea blue makes a wonderful color for a living room although I do not recommend painting on the hottest day of the year, especially with vaulted ceilings. Wall to wall white Berber carpet is no good, especially with two puppies. However, I am really loving the laminate I selected to replace it with.

Last night I learned what it is like to sleep on the floor of the garage since there was no where else to sleep. I now know the two layers of work out pads I slept on do nothing for comfort when you are trying to catch some much needed shut eye while slumbering on concrete.

Despite the constant cleaning up after my dogs take, I am sure glad I brought home a 10-week old play mate for my eight month old puppy the day before the move. Watching them roll around and grapple with one another has been a huge improvement in entertainment than the constant fiasco known as Election 2016.

Having just got internet service yesterday, I only know my idol, Muhammad Ali, died and the Warriors came back to defeat the Thunder after being left for dead. I am assuming there is still a right wing conspiracy out to get Hillary while Trump has probably offended scores of other people he claims to love and who love him.

Instead, I now have a wonderful neighbor, a ninety year old British woman named Peggy who was once a nurse and has told me stories about meeting a young lieutenant by the name of Moramar Gaddafi while spending four years in Libya. I have also seen her face light up as I bring her my ten week old puppy, Peanut, and let her hold him while I take my other dog for a walk.

And then there are the friends. The people who have been there for me while I navigate my way through a world that is much different than it was in 1984, the last time I was single. Their help, their visits, and their kind thoughts have all served to remind me just how fortunate I am.

There will be no more settling on my part. I may end up growing old alone, but if that is the case then it is only because I have a much better awareness of who I am, what I need, and what kind of person I seek to grow old with.

To some, a failed marriage is the end of the world. However, I refuse to think that way. It is nothing more than a chance to reexamine who I am as a person and to better understand what I require to thrive. In boxing terms, I was knocked down but not knocked out and now that I am back on my feet again, I have plenty of fight left in me.

Rather than divorcing, I prefer to see myself, and my wife, as starting over. We just happen to be doing it without the other in our life. Once you can understand there is nothing wrong with that, it makes facing the future a bright and prosperous prospect and isn’t that what we all want?