Now that March has rolled around, I am surprised at all the positive letters I received from my fans considering the nation suffers from winter blizzards, ice, rain, floods, and that dark cloud with an orange tint in the Oval Office.
Here is a smattering of what people are asking me these days.
I know last month you commented on how the Oscars would play out, but surely you must have some thoughts on that amazing performance by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. They have incredible chemistry that can’t be denied. Don’t you agree? Your Biggest Fan!
Dear Biggest Fan,
Sorry, but I have to disagree. Lady Bug Goo Goo and Bradley (didn’t he use to go by Brad?) Cooper were simply reprising their film roles. Their chemistry is based on dollars and cents and their performance was nothing more than a horrible attempt to promote their film. I have not seen their version of A Star Is Born, but then I have not seen any version of that film or Titanic, the last three Star Wars, and anything by Michael Moore (no he is not my brother).
If you want to talk chemistry, I think it starts and finishes with that duo that followed them and sang what I felt was an actual country song. I’d love to plug them, but since there wasn’t a host to introduce them and I had a few beers in me, I can’t recall who they were or what the song sounded like.
Finally, real chemistry actually involves the mixing of chemicals to get a desired result. For me, the greatest chemistry I have witnessed was when I used to clean the third floor dorm bathroom in Lassen Hall at Chico State. For some odd reason, the guys on that floor thought it was funny to spend a lot of time making messes for me to clean up. It stopped when I began leaving toxic mixtures of ammonia and cleaning solution in the toilets. The moment their pee hit the toilet water, it would create a cloud of gas that left them gagging for air. The straight bleach and ammonia solution I left on the floor had a way of eating through their bare feet so they didn’t bother hanging out in the bathroom to do the college pranks they were known for. Instead, they began using the second floor john which was the job of someone else to clean. That’s chemistry.
What are your thoughts on the Kim/Trump 2 Summit? Thanks. Your Biggest Fan
Like most sequels, it failed to live up to the original. It seems like nothing was accomplished that Trump can hang his MAGA hat on. North Korea still has nukes they can fire if Kim decides to. The Korean Peninsula is as volatile as before they met. Kim is still sporting a stupid hair cut, however, one that is more stylish than Donny’s comb over, and more Americans were interested in what his former lawyer, Michael Cohen, had to say to Congress on the day of the summit. Overall, it was another loss for Trump and I am sure he left thinking it would have been better to just fly to Mar-A-Lago and golf.
On the bright side, he finally made it to Vietnam and can cross that off his bucket list. Poor guy missed out on doing so when he was younger. Glad to see he is walking pain free.
Wow! How about that Michael Cohen spilling the beans on Trump? Wasn’t that something else? He absolutely destroyed his former boss and told the world what many of us already thought of the guy. I’d love to know what you think of it. Thanks, your biggest fan.
Well, first off, let’s not forget Michael Cohen was, until recently, a lawyer which pretty much makes him no better than Trump. He’s also headed to prison for failing to tell the truth to the FBI so any Trump fan can point out the man is a professional liar by trade. This was nothing more than a carefully staged distraction to make sure Donald did not get any attention in case he accomplished something with his meeting with Kim.
In both cases, it was like taking ED meds just to make sure you really get it up for someone you may or may not bed only to realize at the end of the day you are disappointed and wish you had done something productive with your time.
This is precisely why I do not buy into hype. Everyone is trying to sell us something and cares little about whether or not we are satisfied with the result.
The list of Democrats running for president keeps growing. At this rate, there is liable to be more than 20 of them. How should I go about deciding which one to support in 2020? I love your advice and could sure use it with making a decision. Thanks. Your BIGGEST FAN.
Once again, each of these people are trying to sell you something and do not care if you end up satisfied with the result. If you think they will deliver on a small fraction of their promises, I have an affordable health plan that will cover all your medical expenses to sell you.
Trying to decide on a candidate to defeat Trump next year is like walking down the cereal aisle in the grocery store. You can’t just get a box of Cheerios anymore. First you have to decide which of the 17 flavors of Cheerios you want. Then you have to decide whether or not you want the smaller, more affordable box or the massive size two boxes for the price of one that will never fit inside your pantry.
Next, you have to decide if the real Cheerios are better than the store knock off brand in the plastic bag, or if you are too embarrassed to be seen purchasing them. Finally, will they actually deliver the satisfaction you desire or will they grow stale and old in short order?
My advice is to just wait until everyone else has shopped and raided the shelves. Fewer choices makes deciding quicker and easier. Besides, at the end of the day, none of them will be named Donald Trump and that should be enough for you to pick who to vote for next year.
February was Black History Month. Have you any thoughts on what it means to Blacks to have a month to honor their contributions to our nation’s history? Thanks. Your biggest fan ever.
Nothing screams racism more than honoring a race of people who were enslaved and still reel from the affects of racism than giving them the month with the fewest days in it to honor them.
Thanks for all the letters. Keep them coming. I am always humbled by how many of you see yourself as my biggest fan. The truth is, I am my biggest fan, but I do not like to brag about it. Happy March.
Jim is a life long resident of California and retired school teacher with 30 years in public education. Jim earned his BA in History from CSU Chico in 1981 and his MA in Education from Azusa Pacific University in 1994. He is also the author of Teaching The Teacher: Lessons Learned From Teaching. Jim considers himself an equal opportunity pain in the ass to any political party, group, or individual who looks to profit off of hypocrisy. When he is not pointing out the conflicting words and actions of our leaders, the NFL commissioner, or humans in general, he can be found riding his bike for hours on end while pondering his next article. Jim recently moved to Camarillo, CA after being convinced to join the witness protection program.