NFL week 6 is all about parity or dumb luck

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This past week was a reminder of how on any given Sunday, any team not named Cleveland can win. How else do you explain a week that saw San Diego, New Orleans, Miami, Jacksonville, and Detroit emerge victorious? Only Jacksonville played a team everyone expected to stink this year, Chicago, while the other four showed just how crazy the NFL can be.

Chargers1San Diego 21, Denver 13

This Thursday night game was proof how important it is to have a full week between games. San Diego showed everyone it takes seven days for teams to gag properly. Maybe they should play all of their games with just four days in between. Clearly they did not have enough prep time to execute a late game collapse and with a win over the defending Super Bowl champs, San Diego just distanced themselves from next year’s top pick. Now is a good time for ownership to ask for more funds to build a new stadium to house their mediocrity.

New Orleans 41, Carolina 38

Wow, the mighty have fallen. Last year’s Super Bowl losers are no longer a threat to anyone but themselves. Their once vaunted defense gave up over 13,000 yards passing to Drew Brees (j/k). His 293 completions (j/k) against the Panthers defense was a new record and on top of this, the Saints didn’t need to issue any bounties in the process.

Cam Newton remembered to wear a helmet, but probably could have used his scooter to help bail out his team. How bad is Carolina? Neither North or South Carolina will claim them as their pro team and at the rate they are going, next year they will become the Dakota Panthers.

Miami 30, Pittsburgh 15

This is not a typo. The Gold Fish actually beat a real football team which is something for Miami fans to cheer about. However, because they won, they now hold no shot at drafting another first round bust at quarterback at the top of the draft to make fans forget who the hell Ryan Tannehill is.It’s one thing to lose to the Gold Fish, but to also see your franchise quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger, injure a knee has the potential of making this the beginning of the end of what started out looking like a Super Bowl season.

Jacksonville 17, Chicago 16

As a result of this loss, Chicago now joins Cleveland as another mistake by the lake. What is it about pro football teams and the not so Great Lakes? Chicago could produce a team that plays Cleveland in the World Series in another week, but as far as football goes, this bunch might as well call it a season and just give their remaining opponents a week off to rest.

The melon heads are a real thing in the Rams Nation.
The melon heads are a real thing in the Rams Nation.

Chicago actually looked like they would win until they realized if they did, they had no shot at the top pick next year. Fortunately for them, they were playing a team where no one knows how to read the scoreboard. Now it is the Jaguars who lose out by winning this past weekend.

Detroit 31, Los Angeles 28

Any Detroit win is a good excuse to go out and get drunk and forget about how miserable life is in the Motor City. The Rams can lose out and all people in LA will say is, “At least they are not as bad as the Lakers.”

Now both the Rams and Lions sit at three wins and three losses with ten more to play meaning there is a very good chance they will both be five and 11 at the end of the season. Rams QB Case Keenum completed 20 straight passes which is almost as many passes as there are women claiming Donald Trump made a pass at them.

Tennessee 28, Cleveland 26

Tennessee has now won as many games this year, three, as they did all last season. If this continues, they could actually win six games this year, which should be enough to win their division. As for the Browns, they are still winless and should remain that way until Congress passes a bill requiring their opponents to take mercy on them.

Buffalo 45, San Francisco 16

Buffalo won their fourth straight game while the 49ers lost their fifth straight, which led to a team name change. San Francisco will now be called the Farty Niners after showing the NFL their problems were not Blaine Gabbert as their quarterback, but rather the piles of crap at their other 21 positions.

This week, Colin Krappernick got the start at QB and just like the Blaine train, he crashed and burned primarily because no one can lead this team to another victory until its defense learns their job is to keep the other team from scoring.

Maybe Eli Manning can go watch football with his brother Peyton.
Maybe Eli Manning can go watch football
with his brother Peyton.

New York Giants 27, Baltimore 23

Hard to believe these two teams are three and three, just like Detroit, Los Angeles, and Tennessee. This is what makes the NFL a great league; two disciplined and tough teams facing one another. Still, this is the third straight loss for Baltimore, whose only bright spot is Pittsburgh’s shocking loss keeps them just one game out of first place.

As for the Giants, they play in the NFL East and like Howard Cosell once said, this is a division of , “shifting tides of ebb and flow.” By the time December rolls around, they will be in a four way dog fight for the division title. Of course, by December, the four dogs might only be left with three legs apiece, but there will be no shortage of fight left in them.

Washington 27, Philadelphia 20

This game might be portrayed as the game in which Vernon Davis got hit with an excessive celebration penalty for imitating shooting a free throw after scoring a touchdown. Since he managed to toss the football through the uprights, one would have to think he was imitating a college hoops player because no one in the NBA can make a gimme. Again, neither of these teams are finished just yet, but still, they have a long ways to go before they can claim a playoff spot. I am betting both will fall short at this point of the season.

New England 35, Cincinnati 17

All that is left of the state of Ohio after their two pro franchises were destroyed by the Patriots on back to back weekends is the solace in knowing neither team will have to face New England again this season. The Bengals are perhaps the most disappointing team in the AFC this year. They just need a coach who will do a Jim Mora impression, “Playoffs? I just hope we can win a game.” At least the Buckeyes know how to win.

Kansas City 26, Oakland 10

Maybe this season the Oakland Raiders will be more interesting than their fans.
Maybe this season the Oakland Raiders
will be more interesting than their fans.

Oakland returned to earth with a more traditional performance against division rival Kansas City. While the Raiders lost for just the second time this season, they played more like a team that can usually be counted on to win just four times a year. However, all this loss did was add KC into the mix of what is now a three way divisional race. By the time December rolls around, it will still be a three team race for what is now a pretty interesting division.

Seattle 26, Atlanta 24

As a kid who grew up going to Raider games in the 70s, always rooting against them only to leave scratching my head and wondering how did they win again, Seattle now reminds me of the John Madden-coached Raiders. Seattle has a way of making their enemy think about their loss long after the game ends, making it difficult to concentrate on the week ahead while the Seahawks just laugh about getting away with another one.

No wonder NFL fans fall into one of two camps, Seahawks lovers or Seahawk haters. It will be interesting to see how Atlanta responds to this week’s rip off, uh, I mean defeat. Somehow, I think these two teams will meet again in the playoffs.

Dallas 30, Green Bay 16

Dak Prescott just keeps out playing more experienced quarterbacks with Hall of Fame credentials. How is this possible? For one thing, he has no one looking over his shoulder so he can just enjoy the job he has. Will he remain this good once Tony Romo returns? Jerry Jones may say Romo is still the starter, but if he inserts him into that role, he will have a mutiny on his hands.

As for Green Bay, Aaron Rogers is in more than a funk. He’s still better than most quarterbacks in the league, but if his season continues down the path it is on, this will constitute a two year downward spiral and it will be Green Bay and not Dallas considering finding their quarterback of the future come draft time next year.

Brock Osweiler got a ring with the Broncos. Maybe he can get one with the Texans?
Brock Osweiler got a ring with the Broncos.
Maybe he can get one with the Texans?

Houston 26, Indianapolis 23

Proving that it takes more than just luck to win in the NFL, but only a team led by Andrew Luck to lose, the Colts blew a chance to move into a three-way tie for first place in the AFC South. Their over time loss to Houston now means the difference between first and worst is hard to tell — which must have made NFL executives run to their remotes like the rest of the country and watch the Cubs and Dodgers play.

Monday Night Prediction

About the only thing that can make fans forget the Sunday night pairing is a great Monday Night affair. Unfortunately, this week is not going to make fans forget anything as two teams, the Jets and Cardinals, fly into our living rooms with a combined record of three wins and seven losses and put us into a coma. My gut says the home team should win, but my interest level asks, “Who is the home team?”

This leaves me picking the team my mom would always pick, the one with the uniform she liked most (She always went with the Dolphins). With that in mind, I placing my money on the Arizona Jets (Red jerseys and green pants) to lay a beat down on the New York Cardinals (Green Jerseys and white pants). Arizona 94, Cardinals 32

Until next week, it doesn’t matter whether you win or lose so long as ratings and profits increase.

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Editor’s Note: On Monday Night Football the Arizona Cardinals defeated the New York Jets, 28-3.

Photos by Claudia Gestro