Pope Francis can get in line

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Go ahead and crucify me all you want , but I can think of a ton of people I would wait in line to see before the Pope. Heck, as a teen, my dad made me wait in line for him to get playoffs tickets for the Raiders. I hate the Raiders, but I’d probably still prefer waiting in line to see them before the Pope.

Here is a list of people/events/places you won’t see me waiting in line for to go along with Pope Francis.

1. Black Friday: In fact, I won’t venture out of my home other than to pick up the mail, take out the trash, or go for a bike ride for the first two weeks after Thanksgiving;

2. 

   The Next Block Buster Film: No thanks. I prefer an empty movie theater so I can wait for the next must see film to come to a near by discount theater or to my local red box. BTW: I still have not seen Titanic, Gone With The Wind, or Schindler’s List. However, I can recommend Jackass Two.

3. The Next iPhone: In fact, I still do not own a smart phone. I may get a jitterbug, which is just a way for old farts to look relevant without having to deal with Apple. Until then, you will understand why I don’t respond to your text messages.
4. Night Clubs: I think the last time I went to one was my bachelor party and for some reason we were asked to leave when I cleared our glasses onto the floor to show a table of women what a great break dancer I was. I hear the music and dance styles have changed since 1984.
5. Hair Cuts: I have long ago done away with trips to pay someone to cut my hair in such a way that I have to go back to them a few weeks later to have them do it again. Add to that, I am paying the person to do this and they expect a tip. Sorry, I can live with using a good set of dog clippers that cost less than a single hair cut to sheer my head. When I am finished, there is no hair to wash or comb plus no one expecting a tip.
6. Politicians: Seriously, who does this? I can understand if they pay people to attend their rallies, but who in their right mind attends one on their own time? I guess I am at a point in life where I assume they are all a bunch of liars so why would I want to feed their egos or enable their disgusting behavior?
7. Public Restrooms: This is not going to happen. The end result is guaranteed to be a bashful bladder so I end up feeling like a perv who enjoys taking out his junk just so I can be around others whose junk is actually passing urine. I can either hold it or pretend to accidentally walk into the ladies room and use it.
8. Slow Internet: If I have to wait for a web site to come up, I have already forgotten why I wanted to get on it in the first place.
9. An Apology: It’s not going to happen now that we live in a society where no one feels bad about what they say or do to another person. The strange thing, many of the people who do this will wait in line to see the Pope because they see themselves as religiously centered people.

10. 

    Service: Hey, if you run a business and cannot provide human contact for this customer, I will take my business elsewhere. It’s why I avoid my local Lowe’s as much as possible while paying more for the great people at my near by True Value Hardware.

Service matters, except for whatever service or Mass is being offered up by Pope Francis. How do Catholics do it? My knees hurt enough just to squat and work in the yard. How do they keep getting up and down so much in church? They must have a great set of quads because I get tendinitis just thinking about it. No thanks. I will take my chances and if by chance, when I die, if I am at the entrance to the Pearly Gates, they better be open because I do not plan on waiting in line just to get into heaven.

James Moore

Jim is a life long resident of California and retired school teacher with 30 years in public education. Jim earned his BA in History from CSU Chico in 1981 and his MA in Education from Azusa Pacific University in 1994. He is also the author of Teaching The Teacher: Lessons Learned From Teaching. Jim considers himself an equal opportunity pain in the ass to any political party, group, or individual who looks to profit off of hypocrisy. When he is not pointing out the conflicting words and actions of our leaders, the NFL commissioner, or humans in general, he can be found riding his bike for hours on end while pondering his next article. Jim recently moved to Camarillo, CA after being convinced to join the witness protection program.