Taking Note of a Few Things: The E-verything E-dition

E-Bikes are not bicycles. Just admit it, you are not getting exercise on them. How difficult is it to pedal a real bike on flat roads? The only purpose an E-Bike serves is to help you not get exercise. You should never be out of breath after using one unless the battery dies on you. The truth is, E-Bikes are nothing more than light weight mopeds.

Younger generations hate exercise so much that they have taken all the fun ways we used to get exercise and turn it into something non-taxing. Besides E-Bikes, they have created E-scooters and E-skateboards. They probably are working on E-Pogo Sticks, E-Running shoes, and E-Dogs to take on E-Walks.

I thought Wii sports was the end of society. It was the perfect invention for a generation made to fear going outside and playing all day. Why break a sweat in neighborhood games of football or kick the can? It is so much nicer playing by yourself in the safety of your home while mom can supervise your every move.

Anyone who thought Trump would drop out of the GOP race for president needs their head examined. He has no shame or sense of morality and he is drunk on the attention he is able to command from the media. He figures his only shot at remaining free of prison is getting elected again. Personally, I hope he ends up in a new E-Chair and smolders.

Long after I leave this world, there will be idiots galore who will tell tales of a conspiracy that existed against Trump. Besides discord and controversies, it seems this nation loves a good conspiracy theory.

Blood, Sweat and Tears.

For those who believe Trump has committed crimes, here is a list of what he has been charged with: 31 counts of willful retention of national defense information; one count of conspiracy to obstruct justice; one count of withholding a document or record; one count of corruptly concealing a document or record; one count of concealing a document in a federal investigation; one count of scheme to conceal; and one count of false statements and representations. I am sure it is all a big misunderstanding.

Expect additional charges for abuse of tanning beds, combover corruption, fast food fraud, transporting his idiot children across state lines with intent to infect the public with stupidity, and failing to comprehend that the use of the word nasty should only be applied when describing himself or family members.

Thanks to my editor, Tim Forkes, for this next tidbit. Turns out Los Angeles is ranked sixth in the nation when it comes to the best cities to bike naked. Philadelphia was the top ranked city. I guess it is the place to ride and let your Liberty Bells dangle. Mine might crack in the cold.

I actually went for a naked bike ride once, but it did not go so well. An hour into it, I reached down for my water bottle and ended up grabbing something no man wants to be caught grabbing in public. Just my luck, a police officer saw me and pulled me over. Not only did I get arrested, but I had more friends in lock-up than any guy ever wants.

Seriously, the last thing I want to do is ride my bike naked. Those funny looking jerseys we wear riding serve a great purpose. With three pockets in the back, you can store snacks, extra inner tubes, and bike tools. Where do you put those things if you are naked? Then, when you finish your ride, you have to add cleaning your bike seat to your to do list. My advice to anyone wanting to ride naked is to think long and hard before doing so.

Yes, I went low for that last joke.

I have been doing some math and realize with the passing of June 16th, one-fourth of my life has been spent dealing with the continual fallout from my near death bicycle accident in 2007. If I live another sixteen years, forty percent of my life will have been spent dealing with all the pain and challenges it has given me.  If I live to the ripe old age of 96, it will make for half of my life. If that happens, I will have lived two distinctly different lives, seven less than a cat.

What triggers PTSD? This past week, for some reason, I have been troubled more by the reminder of it now being 16 years since my accident. Then this morning, on the actual anniversary of it, I was hit with a headline of the death of a young Swiss rider (Gino Mader) thrown off his bike during the Tour de Suisse. There is such a randomness to life, health, and longevity. When you survive something that kills others most of the time, it is impossible not to think of a day in which you said your good-byes to the world.

Wheel of Fortune host, Pat Sajak, has announced this coming season will be his final one as host. He was the inspiration of one of my teaching ideas. Teachers were always asked to come up with ways to keep from sending kids to the office because of their behavior. There was a time when students acted up, I gave them a choice, a referral to the office or a spin of my Wheel of Misfortune.Consequences ranged from physically taxing (pushups), writing their parents a letter about their behavior and returning it with their signature the next day, to serving detention with me during their lunch. If they refused the consequence they spun, their future was in Jeopardy.

If I had any money to bet, I would bet Mr. Sajak made more money in his first year of hosting the show than I did in all my years teaching and we both began in the same year. It’s a good thing so many people value game show hosts more than they do teachers. Seriously, whenever someone told me how much they respected me for what I do, I just wanted to choke them until they coughed up more money. Let’s face it, Americans will pay more for entertainment than for any teacher, even if the teacher is entertaining.

Telling someone who you know is not paid what they are worth you respect them for what they do is more insulting than you realize. Go to a school board meeting and speak up. Let your city council know how you feel about what they pay first responders. Flood hospital board members with emails insisting they pay nurses and support staff a living wage. Don’t ease your conscience and insult someone by letting them know you know how underpaid they are. Actions actually do speak louder than empty words.

Inside the NBACongratulations to the Denver Nuggets for winning their first NBA Championship. As long as the Lakers do not win the title, I consider it a good year in NBA basketball.

The best part of the NBA is watching the back and forth banter on TNT’s Inside the NBA coverage with (Ernie Johnson, Jr., Kenny Smith), Charles Barkley and Shaquille O’Neal. It really doesn’t matter what they are talking about, you know, sooner or later one of them is going to make the others on the show crack up. It’s almost like watching Tim Conway get the best of everyone else on the old Carol Burnett show.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY

Just what we need, another GOP presidential candidate from Florida. Now we have Miami mayor Francis Suarez running for POTUS. Along with guys named Trump and DeSantis, this makes three from the flaccid state (just look at a map). Now we just need little Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush to run again. Maybe then, once and for all, we can send a message to Floridians that more than Disney World hates you.

I have a wonderful solution to three major issues that rile up Americans. Homelessness, people crossing our border illegally, and too many people owning too many guns can be solved fairly simply. Gun owners would be required to actually serve as part of the well-armed militia the Second Amendment refers to. They would serve to protect our borders while their homes are used to house the homeless. Gun owners who do not or physically cannot protect our borders would then part with their guns and we would hand them over to homeless people and pay them to protect our borders. What could possibly go wrong with this solution that is any worse than what is happening now?

Recently, an adult accused a nine year old Canadian girl competing in a track meet of being transexual. I am not sure what is worse, the parent making the accusation or that a nine year old girl knew what she was being accused of.

Two days of hell. That’s the only way to describe my most recent stint in Facebook prison. Apparently, it is alright for you to be tagged in a post in which a prostitute is leaning into the passenger side window of a car, but not okay to make reference to her being a tranny. I would take Facebook to court but two things are preventing me. First, I now have to scramble and figure out what to do these next two days and secondly, Facebook does not have a court.

Kinky

A clown like me can wake up one morning and find himself in Facebook prison without knowing he has been accused, charged, tried, and convicted for violating community standards. Meanwhile, an ex-president can suck the life out of this nation after violating laws regarding our nation’s security.  I suppose law and order has to start somewhere.

Does anybody know whether my Facebook criminal past shows up on a background check? It might determine what sort of work I go looking for.

What is the point of social media if you are not allowed to offend others? Better yet, why is a platform like Facebook allowed to offend me with their advertising and suggested (not to mention suggestive) sites while I am left worrying about dropping my bar of soap in their prison showers?

Should we be surprised that a soccer match between the United States and Mexico’s national teams was called before time expired? The two teams are noted for their heated rivalry and after multiple red card ejections, the Mexican contingent of fans in the Las Vegas match began chanting homophobic cheers. In the world of international soccer, all of this is unfortunately normal, although not acceptable.

 

It also should not shock anyone that despite the game being played on American soil, the majority of the fans attending were there to cheer Mexico to victory. However, talent won out and the United States earned a 3-0 win over their arch rivals.

What is a surprise is that it finally seems the United States has surpassed Mexico as the major national soccer power in the region. We finally seem to have established enough of a national program that allows us to draw from an increasing talent pool. Now if our fans would just show up and support the home team, we might enjoy more civility in the stands.

Final Thought. Who better than Linda Ronstadt to bring today’s column to an end? Mexican born, American raised; she was the voice of 1970’s female rock. Although Parkinson’s has robbed her of her singing, her influence still runs deep in the music industry. Enjoy.