Taking Note of a Few Things: The News or Nonsense Edition

I’m trying folks. I am really trying, but every time I check to see what is happening in the world, I just can’t get worked up over it. Biden looks bad in the polls, Trump looks bad in the eyes of the law, but Denise Austin looks just as good today as she did 30 years ago while sporting the same swimsuit. Hmmm. Decisions, decisions. I think I will roll with Denise.

War rages on in Ukraine. Russia bombs Kyiv. Kyiv relies on Patriot missiles from the U.S. Drones go after Putin. The Pope is trying to broker peace. Wait. Hold on a minute. This just in. There is an article on the 25 greatest rock bands in history. Ah. Now that is music to my ears.

I am still on Facebook, primarily because I am out of passwords to use for any other social media. I scroll and I scroll past news stories. Then I scroll some more. ED ads galore. What the hell did I look at to trigger those? Oh, now I remember. It had nothing to do with my favorite sports teams and nothing to do with the countless feel good stories about dogs. It also had nothing to do with any of my friends. It must have been those videos of hot Korean women dancing. For the life of me, I have no idea how Facebook knew I might enjoy them.

Sex, drugs, and Rock’n’Roll have far more to offer me these days than the news. I know this because AI has been so kind to start thinking for me. I wonder if they know when I am telling it to go eff off? Why do I need AI? I am not Ron DeSantis and I am not running for president or dictator of Florida. If anyone could use some artificial intelligence, it is him. Time will tell if he unseats our former artificial president as the GOP candidate. It doesn’t matter because the GOP is an artificial party that is nothing like the GOP of 40 years ago.

There’s been another mass shooting. Let me guess: The guy was white, used an AR-15, had a history of mental illness and a fixation on guns, and he bought the weapon just days before his attack. More thoughts and prayers for the dead while more folks go out and purchase guns before the Democrats storm all the homes and take them by force. Let’s see, where was that interesting article about women at the beach? Oh, it was the SI Swimsuit article. I’ll just have to pretend Martha Stewart is not on the cover.

Maybe I can find a part time job on Craig’s List or at the very least, a Gig. I need to get out more and start being more productive. What’s this? Someone has posted a rant on the coming of the apocalypse? And I can’t quite tell if someone is really looking for a golf buddy or does the length of his driver’s shaft and the size of its head mean something else?

There are plenty of nice bikes to be found and everyone selling them is asking about three times more than they are worth. This guy is offering massages only to women as part of his trying to see if he wants to become a certified masseuse. Huh. And this guy is doing the same only for men. Wait a second. Why did I go on Craig’s List?

CNN interviewed Trump and I guess all he did was tell lies. I am not sure why viewers are upset. Did they really think he would tell the truth? If so, that would be actual news.

This just in: There is a feel-good story about a three-year-old girl who gets excited when the trash gets picked up at her home. The trash collector delivers her a toy trash truck. All great stuff in a 60 second clip. If only the little girl grabbed daddy’s unlocked gun and shot the guy, it might have been the lead story.

Sperm whales sleep in an upright position. 60 Minutes has uncovered a riveting tale here. I am not sure this should be a shock since they are sperm whales and men are known to sleep with their penises in an upright position. Still, it’s 60 Minutes so it matters. Unfortunately, they reported on it without showing any hot women snorkeling. Maybe next time.

The music world recently lost Gordon Lightfoot. He was more than a musician. He was a poet every bit as much as a singer who had a way of delivering a tale that hit the listener on the deepest level. He made us see the events unfolding as if we were actually on “The Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald.” You knew exactly what he was talking about when he sang, “in a room where you do what you don’t confess,” on “Sundown.” While I was saddened to learn he passed, it did my heart good to see the amount of outpouring that followed.

There is nothing like a good border crisis to get Americans’ britches in a bunch. The hate that comes out of some without a viable solution normally astounds me, but right now my focus is drawn more toward the compassion of Judge Caprio as he finds a way to help someone in need to get their traffic fines paid by a fan of his show. The dreamer in me can’t help but think if more judges showed his compassion for people in a tough spot early on, we might not have so many give up on the system and become part of a much larger problem.

We are in for more divisive issues like our border between now and the 2024 elections. Funny how it works that way. The average voter cares less about the nuances of how the government works and what it is actually doing for them. Everyone wants their potholes filled, better paying jobs, and a good education, until a politician wants to change immigration, abortion, gun laws, or crime policies. The Biden Administration has done a wonderful job of providing bottom up government help, but how he responds to the more emotional issues will determine if he can get re-elected.

Speaking of hate, Brittney Griner, who spent a year in Russian prison, said how she felt the meaning of the playing of the “National Anthem” in a more appreciative way when it was played before her first game back in the WNBA. Of course, all she did was get slammed with hateful comments from people who wished she was still in a Russian jail. At least I think they were people. They may have been artificial people for all I know. All AI has done for me is make me think of those old Memorex cassette commercials that had a tagline, “Is it live or is it Memorex?” Turns out, AI can sing too.

Saw some photos recently of 81 year old Al Pacino dancing to music while strolling down a sidewalk. Sadly, he looked more like the creepy guy up the street who walks up to strangers with his pants unzipped and says, “Say hello to my little friend.”

Back to bottom up, boy, was I wrong about the Lakers. They have gone from 2-10 to the Western Conference Finals. Considering the lack of talent once you get past Old Man LeBron and the injury riddled Anthony Davis, there is not much on that team. I will continue to bet against them, mainly because I hate the Lakers. However, I do not see how their talent matches up with Denver’s. This year’s NBA playoffs have been a topsy turvy affair.

Editor’s Note: The Denver Nuggets defeated the Los Angeles Lakers, sweeping them in four games.

Once again, the debt ceiling has become a political topic. Why does the news run with this? We all know the GOP is trying to use it to squeeze the Democrats for something out of them when the reality is, the GOP has no choice but to agree to pay our bills. Then again, this is the same party that embraces crazy. In fact, I think they need to just steal this as their new anthem.

Now there is a call to boycott Miller Lite. I have no idea why this is now a thing. I have successfully boycotted Miller Lite for decades. As far as light beers go, I prefer Michelob Ultra, then Coors Light, followed by Bud Light. Of course, I only drink them out of an ice cold bottle or from a frosty mug. I must say, after having gone the past month without any beer, my stomach feels much better and my apartment smells nicer.

Cancel Culture is not new. It is nothing more than a gimmicky label placed on any group that calls for a boycott of a product or artist. When my generation got pissed at Sinéad O’Connor for her SNL performance in which she tore up a photo of the Pope, no one called the protestors part of a cancel culture. When PETA targeted fur wearing artists and fast food companies, no one called them members of cancel culture either. However, today, both of their actions would be part of something that is basically free speech in action from people who intend to stop making their enemies rich. It’s just that they come across as whiners in the way they go about it.

Clayton Kershaw pitched three days after the death of his mother. Should he be canceled for choosing to do his job instead of taking time off for bereavement? It’s easy to call attention to the things others do that you do not like. However, free speech is also allowing the people who do or say things you detest that are within their right the opportunity to do so.

Having said all of that, I seem to recall my senior year in high school leading a very spirited boycott of our high school basketball games because the league took exception to our creative cheers. Okay, one or two may have contained some of the seven words you can’t say on TV. Still, did the league have to suspend us from a game? Did they think it would change our ways? Or did they cave to our opponents’ attempts to cancel us?

If the NFL were a beer company, they would be canceled. Instead, they continue to be worshiped by a legion of fans who prefer to look the other way toward their horrific record on social issues, player accountability, owners who allow horrific work environments, and their constant lying to the public about how much they care about their fans and players. If you do not believe me, explain why the league insists on Thursday Night Football.

Looks like Doc Rivers was canceled. A coach who is good enough to get his teams to game seven in the playoffs is of no use if they always lose the series. Of course, he was not either of two star players on the 76ers who blew chunks in game seven. Still, it is easier to fire a coach than an entire team, even in Philly.

Polls are funny. Now there is a poll out showing Biden beating both Trump and DeSantis in head-to-head races and in a three-way race. I think I will treat these polls like the baseball season and not give them much weight until we are in October of 2024. In fact, with early voting and mail-in ballots such a big thing, all polls should end on October 1st.

I read recently where a 12 year old graduated from college with five degrees. He began taking college courses when he was nine which makes me wonder whether we should ban kids like him from starting college at such a young age. Clearly, doing so is as addictive as kids playing video games or vaping. Not only this, but by the time he is 21, he’s going to rue the day he went to college at such a young age. Just think, in another nine years, he will be dealing with job burnout and going through a midlife crisis at a time when he could be running up huge college debt, changing his major for the eighth time, and making his parents wonder if he will ever grow up.

Finally, for crying out loud, Hollywood continues to insist on making remakes of films that never should be remade. With a remake of Road House and now White Men Can’t Jump, we will only be reminded how much casting a film goes to making it work. Wesley Snipes, Woody Harrelson, and Rosie Perez were nothing less than perfect in their roles. Does any film fan think you can do better than Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliott in the lead roles as bouncers? There are a lot of problems in our society that the cost of throwing money at a remake — that will fail — can solve.