Riding a bicycle is something I really enjoy doing. However, since 99 percent of the time I ride, I am alone, my mind tends to ponder, wander, and generally do whatever it takes to keep me from thinking about how uncomfortable my butt feels on such a tiny seat. I admit I like knowing I can ride 100 miles and not be so wiped out I cannot do anything the next day. I also like the amount of calories it burns which allows me to still eat far more than the 2,000 calories recommended for an adult male.
Still, occupying my mind over the course of anywhere from a two to six hour ride can be a challenge and often leaves me perplexed as I try and solve some of life’s mysteries. Here are just a few examples of what I contemplate while on a ride.
Pro Life/Pro Death Penalty: I still have not been able to wrap my brain around this one. How can anyone, especially politicians, tell you they are pro life when it comes to the issue of abortion, but support the death penalty for those who murder? I also do not get how you can support a woman’s right to an abortion and be opposed to the death penalty, especially when you claim juries make mistakes.
A Safer Sport: I laugh when I hear people from the NFL boast about how they are making football a safer sport. Just exactly how is the game being made safer when each year teams look to get bigger, faster, and stronger so they can inflict more devastating hits on their opponents while trying to win at all cost? If they really wanted to make the game safer, wouldn’t they just play touch football and wear shorts and jerseys and skip all the other equipment?
Pete Rose: I get why he is not in the Hall of Fame even though I do not agree with the decision. Still, why is he kept out and the likes of a racist like Ty Cobb are in it? Pete’s accomplishments as a player either place him in the Hall or they don’t and considering he is the all time hits leader in baseball, I think he deserves to be in Cooperstown.
Term Limits: Even when at their worst polling numbers, our presidents favorable numbers rarely fall below 30 percent. Meanwhile, only about eight percent of the nation has a favorable view of Congress. Maybe they are the ones who need term limits and not whoever is in the White House.
Racist: How anyone can label someone who wants our borders protected as a racist and get away with it is hard for me to understand. Maybe my father was right: we should have taken all of Mexico and just have our border be the Panama Canal.
Name Calling: So Jerry Brown feels it is not okay to call someone who sneaks across our border an “Illegal Alien” because those people are offended by the term, but it is okay to offend legal citizens by allowing safe havens for people who do not belong here while our taxes provide services for these people. Hey Jerry, I’d rather you pave some of these damn roads I am riding on.
Today is National …: Does every day have to be national this or national that day? I noticed in July ice cream not only had a national day, they had a national week and a national month. I can only assume it was followed up with a National Over Weight Person or National Diabetic Coma day.
Gilligan Must Go: Why are reruns of Gilligan’s Island still on television when they use such a negative and controversial stereotype each episode? When will redheads see this country once and for all rid itself of the ugly term “Ginger?”
Fake Sports: Comedy Central may have the corner on the market when it comes to fake news, but web sites like SI.com, Fox Sports, and ESPN are really laughable when they cover the WWE. Haven’t they figured out the “E” is for entertainment and it is about as real as an episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County?
Go Redskins: How do you know the difference between a sports fan and a bleeding heart liberal? Sports fans know the name Redskins is no more or less offensive than some of the other native American references out there in the sports world. Oh, and I am surprised there is not a movement to get rid of the Lions mascot and make Detroit change their name now that Cecil has been killed?
Cheating: I could go on forever about this topic. For now, I will just put this out there for you to think about. People who watch their favorite NFL teams play on TV for free get so upset about Tom Brady having cheated by wanting a little air let out of his footballs but don’t think twice about shelling out a few hundred dollars to see their favorite musical act lip sync to them in concert. And by the way, the National Anthem that is “performed” before your favorite sporting event is also done on tape. Then again, so is some of the crowd noise. What is real are the fist fights in the stands at Raider games.
Political Experience: Why is it so important to have previous political experience when running for POTUS? If the last 25 years have shown us anything is previous political experience has not gotten much accomplished. We’re still trying to solve a disappearing middle class, secure our borders, create more jobs, deal with foreign threats, and find a leader who can work with both sides of Congress. Can an inexperienced POTUS do any worse?
Casual Friday: Who thought of this idea? Does it increase productivity or is it just a way to remind everyone not to get too involved in work because the weekend is just around the corner? Why not just go with four ten-hour work days and enjoy a three day weekend rather than pay people to sit around and look like a bunch of tourists?
Internal Affair: If Jeb Bush is going to be no different as his brother or father if he is elected as our next president because of his genes, something his detractors claim, then isn’t it safe to assume Hillary will have an affair with an intern if she is elected? Excuse me, but I just grossed out myself.
No More Guns: If politicians really want to get rid of guns in our culture, they would start by getting rid of them in video games, movies, and TV shows. You see, you cannot get rid of the Second Amendment without getting rid of our First Amendment.
Musical Punishment: I often will ride for hours with a song stuck in my head. It’s usually whatever the last song I heard before leaving the house and I may change tunes at some other point if something triggers another song.
However, when Joan Jett’s “I Love Rock and Roll” implants itself, I want to ride into moving traffic and hope getting run over by a Mack trucks eliminates that track for good.
Teddy: Theodore Roosevelt must be spinning in his grave. Why? Since he was appalled by the lack of fitness of our troops and pushed our schools for a more comprehensive physical fitness program, I doubt he would be pleased with the grotesque number of youths who are fat, out of shape, and see Physical Education as punishment. He’d be even more appalled by the amount of parental support these kids have with their thinking.
More Cheating: I said I could go on forever on this topic. As long as Americans get more upset over athletes who cheat than they do with politicians or Wall Street, both of whom are responsible for stealing billions from hard working Americans, we can expect another economic crash like we saw in 2008 and it won’t matter who is in the White House.
Flap Jack My Ass: Sharon Stone recently claimed her ass is like flap jacks. Either she is a liar or someone did some major Photoshopping with her recent nude photos. If you really want to see flapjacks, just check out the bags under my eyes. And to think, Sharon and I are the same age.
You Know It Is Hot When: How do you know it is hot outside while in the middle of a bike ride? One sign is when the bottom of your feet begin to blister from the heat rising up off of the pavement. Another is when the pavement gets so hot, you tire tubes expand to the point they explode and blow holes through your tires.
Of course, if I didn’t have that damn Joan Jett tune stuck in my head, I would have noticed I have not seen a car in over an hour. I guess everyone else is indoors with the AC set at 68 degrees.
Jim is a life long resident of California and retired school teacher with 30 years in public education. Jim earned his BA in History from CSU Chico in 1981 and his MA in Education from Azusa Pacific University in 1994. He is also the author of Teaching The Teacher: Lessons Learned From Teaching. Jim considers himself an equal opportunity pain in the ass to any political party, group, or individual who looks to profit off of hypocrisy. When he is not pointing out the conflicting words and actions of our leaders, the NFL commissioner, or humans in general, he can be found riding his bike for hours on end while pondering his next article. Jim recently moved to Camarillo, CA after being convinced to join the witness protection program.