Former Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann ardently supports oppressing homosexuals.
Maybe she would like to kill them too. (YouTube)
Huntington Beach attorney Matthew McLaughlin recently tested the state of California’s initiative process when he paid the necessary $200.00 fee to file a proposition that would allow for the killing of gay people by a bullet to the head or any other convenient method. Kamala Harris, California’s State Attorney General (and hopeful successor to Senator Barbara Boxer) is hoping the courts will toss out the initiative rather than be forced to place a blatantly hate-filled proposition before the voters.
McLaughlin may be filled with hate or just be an attorney with a sense of humor, I have no idea. However, he has got me to think about where I might like to spend a couple of hundred dollars in hopes of improving our once great state. Here is my list:
- We should cut off the left hand of anyone who is left-handed. Research has shown the left-handed do not live as long as the right-handed (or is it the other way around?). Cutting off their dominate hand forces them to conform to society and increases their time on earth, allowing the state to collect much needed taxes from them for more years (Basically, I just hate left-handed people).
- Require all fake kidnappings to include a ransom of no less than $100,000.00. Seriously, who kidnaps a woman for $8,500.00? At this rate, that figure will represent the average water bill we pay next year if this drought continues.
- Speaking of drought, let’s just construct a gigantic retractable roof over the state and pipe in cool ocean breezes to maintain our state temperature at a comfortable 78 degrees? The roof can be opened when it rains or snows, but until that day happens, do we have to live with 90 degree weather in March?
- It’s time for mandatory health care for all four legged pets and a $5,000.00 tax for each pet we fail to own. As long as homeless women have shopping carts filled with cats that go without the vet care they deserve, then it is up to the rest of us to pay for it.
- Suge Knight, and all other celebrities on trial, should be limited to one courtroom collapse. After that, they go straight to the front of the line on Death Row no matter what crime they are charged with.
- My “No Tree Initiative” will require any golf course within the flight path of any airport to remove all its trees so aging actors can safely land their planes in the event of an emergency. Why should branches be allowed to get in the way of Harrison Ford?
- Porn For The Forgotten will require the California Porn Industry to employ at least one forgotten reality TV star in every film. Just think what a smash hit films like “Kate Does Eight,” Barley Legal Teen Mom,” or “Behind The Kardashian Door” would be.
- Mandatory Breast Implants will now be performed by removing excessive Man Boobs (to be determined by women) and implanting them into-flat chested women (to be determined by men).
Boy Bimbos Need Jobs Too will require any local news station that employs a female weather forecaster — who shows off her “Storm Front” nightly — to employ a male stripper to deliver the sports.
- Sweat Collectors will be installed in all Gyms to collect the sweat from workout warriors. The sweat would then be transported via an aqueduct that will run alongside our high speed train to a central desalinization plant and then be used to water the crops in the parched central valley.
If you care to join me in my desire to improve California, please feel free to contact me. I will give you my Paypal account information and you can deposit any amount of money you see fit to help make California a state we can all enjoy living in again.
Jim is a life long resident of California and retired school teacher with 30 years in public education. Jim earned his BA in History from CSU Chico in 1981 and his MA in Education from Azusa Pacific University in 1994. He is also the author of Teaching The Teacher: Lessons Learned From Teaching. Jim considers himself an equal opportunity pain in the ass to any political party, group, or individual who looks to profit off of hypocrisy. When he is not pointing out the conflicting words and actions of our leaders, the NFL commissioner, or humans in general, he can be found riding his bike for hours on end while pondering his next article. Jim recently moved to Camarillo, CA after being convinced to join the witness protection program.