Bathroom politics need to be flushed

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I am sick and tired of bathroom politics.  In fact, I am sick of politicians, celebrities, and former celebrities dragging our political conversation literally into the toilet.  Anyone who thinks this nation becomes better simply by determining where someone can or can not piss is not worth the toilet seat cover in a public rest room.

It made sense a few years ago to convert bathrooms to be more handicapped friendly.  Republicans, Democrats, and Independents use wheel chairs and deserved better access to public bathrooms.  This was actually an area all people could agree upon. Now comes this transgender crap over which bathroom they should use. Worse, we bring kids into the equation as if they should not be exposed to who is in the same public restroom they need to use.

I remember attending a concert when I was in college in which there just were not enough bathroom stalls for women to use to keep their lines moving along. This was not an issue for the men since we just had to line up shoulder to shoulder and let it flow. While standing at a urinal and doing my business, a woman walks up next to me, hikes up her skirt, straddles a urinal and pees. I looked at her and she tells me she had no intention of waiting in a long line when there was room for her in the mens room. I think this is where the phrase, “You go girl,” started.

If only life were that simple today. Perhaps with malls struggling to keep businesses now that we do more online shopping, closed stores can be converted into giant bathrooms with individual stalls for whoever needs to go. It sure isn’t worth the cost of retrofitting, or gender-fitting our current restrooms.

Maybe we can just fill up an empty mall store with porta-potties and see how well that goes. My guess is the s%#@ will hit the fan because someone left the toilet seat up or used too much toilet paper. The public will soon demand a return of the perfume counter to wipe out the new smell.

On any given weekend, hundreds of citizens will be murdered across this country and yet our political leaders feel it is more important to talk about who uses our public bathrooms. If we are all part of the public, shouldn’t we all be able to use public bathrooms? Most of us who own a home have a designated bathroom for when guests come over. Do we limit which guests get to use them? Do we even care?

It’s bad enough asshats like Curt Schilling feel the need to tell us what is wrong with our country when they are paid to just talk baseball, but when politicians join the discussion, it just makes me realize just how little intelligence it takes to be taken seriously as a presidential candidate. Curt Schilling was fired because he is not paid to talk about anything other than baseball and when he spouts off his political views, well guess what Curt? No one tunes into a ball game to hear what you think about social issues. Go run for office and see how many votes you get if all you do is talk baseball, or bathrooms for that matter.

Why are bathrooms even denoted by gender any more?  Why not denote them by our political affiliation? Maybe they can be distinguished by open-minded and closed-minded. Perhaps they can be labeled standing room only and squatters, hand washers and germs spreaders, #1 only and #2, pissers and pissed off, You’re A Peein’ and Europeans, Christians and Terrorists, Ass Hats and Ass Holes, Donalds and Hillarys, or simply Public Toilets since no one is in there to take a bath or rest.

All this writing about public bathrooms has left me feeling pooped. I think I need to take a nap. Do I go to a restroom or is there a room called the napper?