Dating has its boundaries

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Jealous, Controlling, Clingy. These three all have roots in insecurity. That’s curious. The three things that annoy me most in a guy come from insecurity. Is there a reason for that? Am I insecure?

Do I attract that? I think that I’m a quite confident young man. I’m young, in good shape physically, moderately attractive, and kind of brilliant. There’s nothing I can’t accomplish if I put my mind to it.

Wow. I really digressed there, didn’t I? The point of this was an exercise to identify qualities in men (and people in general I suppose) that I refuse to put up with.

For example: clinginess. I hate when a guy won’t give me space. I’m a very independent person and I like my alone time. I mean, I live alone for God’s sake. I need time away from people to recharge my social batteries. That’s why I always say that I want my own bedroom in a relationship. I’m not going to sleep in it every night, but I need to occasionally. I just need it. I have no idea how to explain it, but I just do.

Jealousy. Now there’s a word that makes me want to vomit. It is miserable when you’re dating someone who can’t trust you. I can be a flirty person at times. Yes, I admit it. It’s something I need to work on, and I am. That being said, I do just enjoy being friendly and affectionate with my friends. Especially if I’m drunk. This is not me being unfaithful though. If a guy isn’t comfortable with this aspect of me, then we probably won’t work out. Plus, it’s just unattractive for the most part.

The author can handle a shotgun — at home in Mississippi. (Photo by Kyle Levy)
The author can handle a shotgun — at home in Mississippi.
(Photo by Kyle Levy)

Last and probably most important is controlling. Nothing pisses me off more than someone telling me what to do. I often act in the completely opposite way even though I don’t necessarily want to just so that I don’t obey an order. I definitely don’t react well with direct orders. I always say, “If you wanna run me off, just start telling me what to do.” I’ve had guys try to boss me around in the past, and it infuriates me. I already have a dad and a mom. Neither of them tells me what to do anymore. Why would I want that again? I’m free and independent. I was born this way. I’ll die this way. However, along the way I would love to find a mutually respectful relationship that involves a minimal to no amount of the three qualities just described.

Also, to dive further into the idea of insecurity, a man full of insecurity is not confident. Confidence, though not arrogance, is one of the most valued attributes for a man. I like to think that if you don’t believe in yourself, then no one else will. Besides, confident people are also more outgoing and adventurous. They test the boundaries of life because they are sure of their own existence. Furthermore, they are sure of their right to exist and assert themselves into the world at large. I want someone who is already certain they are the one for me.

Passion is also quite essential in a man. The one for me will live life as if there’s no tomorrow. Each new day is an adventure. I want someone who is excited to face the day. To see what life brings us. I want to charge fearlessly into the world knowing that I have someone to stand by my side no matter what. But, I also want that person to drag me all over the place showing me things that excite them. Things that they love and want to share with their special person. Even if I’m bored, I promise to effectively fake enthusiasm.