Donald Trump gets a ton of bad press he does not deserve. I fully get why he and his followers believe there is a movement led by fake news to convince citizens he is a threat to our nation. He is not. In fact, he is the best leader to come along since the invention of the rake.
“Ask not what your nation can rake for you, but rather, what you can rake for your nation?” These are words we can all live by and they are the immortal words of Donald Trump. If we all just took a deep breath and joined forces to rake with one another, think of what we could accomplish? I bet we could put a rake on the moon in no time.
Then there was his epic campaign promise that got lost in the fuss over a wall. “I promise a rake in every garage …,” and he would go on to say those rakes would be made in America.
Why are rakes so important? When asked by Fox News, Trump replied, “A rake in time saves nine.”
Nine what? Fires of course. They are the only way to fight fires these days now that the forest service has essentially gone on strike and quit doing their jobs. And speaking of forests, Trump went on to say the film Forest Gumpwould have been much better had Forest uttered the words, “Life is like a rake.”
I do not see a problem with a sitting president, or raking one for that matter, proudly boasting, “I am a rakist.”
This nation has become far too diverse and lazy. Rakes are being replaced by shovels, hoes, brooms, lawn mowers, and the evil pitch fork. We need to follow the example of our president and get out there and do as he says, “Rake, rake, rake; rake your booties.” It will prevent fires, improve our health, and who knows, you might find a golf ball or two with the number 45 etched on it.
Rakes are why we have the Second Amendment. All Americans use to own a rake because it was the only way to protect families. Now that we have become a nation of cities, rakes seem like they are dangerous, but the facts show if every white God loving Christian owned a rake, leaves would disappear and with them goes the threat of fires. So when Donald says, “A rake in the hand is worth two in any woman’s bush,” he speaks the truth.
I am going to go out on a limb without leaves and make a bold prediction: Years from now, after I am dead and buried with my favorite rake, a president by the name of Barron Trump will give a speech that tell us what a magnificent job his father did in saving this nation.
“Fore! And seven rakes ago, my father set forth to male America rake again. Like him, I was not born with a silver rake in my mouth and I had to rake my orange ass off to get where I am. But because of him, this nation stands proud and is built upon rakes. All men and all women were created to rake.
“A nation conceived to rake and dedicated to raking, will always endure. We stand here at the 18thhole at Mar-a-Lago to honor all the men and women who gave their lives to rake this area clear of leaves and debris so that great men like my daddy could guide us toward a fire free world.
“Let us never forget what they did here and may we always honor them for their commitment to this fine nation and to the rake. A nation of the rake, by the rake, and for the rake will never perish from this earth.”
Top photo is a YouTube screenshot of California Governor-Elect Gavin Newsom, President Trump, Paradise Mayor Jody Jones, California Governor Jerry Brown and FEMA director Brock Long
Jim is a life long resident of California and retired school teacher with 30 years in public education. Jim earned his BA in History from CSU Chico in 1981 and his MA in Education from Azusa Pacific University in 1994. He is also the author of Teaching The Teacher: Lessons Learned From Teaching. Jim considers himself an equal opportunity pain in the ass to any political party, group, or individual who looks to profit off of hypocrisy. When he is not pointing out the conflicting words and actions of our leaders, the NFL commissioner, or humans in general, he can be found riding his bike for hours on end while pondering his next article. Jim recently moved to Camarillo, CA after being convinced to join the witness protection program.