March 2: Emptying the Glass

Buddhism teaches, “If you wish to create a new reality you must first let go of the one that no longer serves you. A glass that is already full cannot hold more water.”

It is time to empty my glass in order to make room for more growth. For me, it means letting go of all the things and people who I have outgrown or who have outgrown me. Relationships are part of life and all life comes to an end. It’s okay. Letting go is meant to lighten our loads and free us from the weights that hold us down. It means forgiving myself for past mistakes as well as forgiving others who may have brought me pain. It does no one any good to hoard every memory, mistake, pain, and even success in our lives. Eventually, we run out of room for more.

Thich Nhat Hahn said, “When you learn how to suffer, you suffer much less.” The best way to suffer is to acknowledge it rather than run or hide from it. This allows you to move on much sooner. I do not believe for one second I will never suffer again. It’s part of life. I am still dealing with chronic pain. My depression is never going to disappear. Fatigue will always pose a challenge. My anxiety can be triggered at any time. However, I am done running from them or expecting others to cure me when the best treatment plan is how I choose to respond to each.

When I feel my anger rise, I can choose to be Sisyphus and foolishly try pushing my anger boulder up a mountain or I can take a break and step away. Everything in my life begins with me and how I decide to respond to circumstances I have no control over. By being kinder to myself, I free myself to be kinder to all others.

Any day that begins with a run is always a day that begins well. I am in no hurry to make big increases in total time or distance I run. What I am seeing is consistent improvement from my hamstring. I have greater range of motion and less discomfort during the day. I know I have everything to lose if I push and everything to gain by remaining patient.

If there is another way for me to enjoy a day more than with a morning run it is by following it up with working on a project in the backyard. If all goes as planned, my new sprinkling system will keep me from being eaten alive by mosquitoes like I was last year from having to hand water everything. This is the first sprinkling system I have installed that was not buried underground. I have no desire to dig or trench over three hundred feet of pipe so I have hooked this one up to a multi station that is connected by a hose. When fall sets in, I just have to disconnect the hose and drain out the water so the pipes don’t freeze in winter.

While working in the yard today, I found myself thinking a lot about what is happening in our country and all President Trump is trying to destroy. I could easily get worked up over what could play out to be the end of what I have known as our nation. However, it is not my problem to solve. For ten years, I have written numerous columns in which I have pointed out the dangers of what he and his political party are trying to do. I have also written much about how the super-rich of this nation are making our country weaker with each passing day.

I did not vote for Trump. He is a horrific and deeply flawed human being who is proof of what happens to people that are guided by greed. If the same people, people like me, continue to be his loudest detractors, we will only drown out the ability for others to rethink their feelings about him. Unless they free up space inside themselves to consider removing their support for him, he is their problem, not mine. He may go on to be the biggest disaster we have ever had to face. However, if so, it can also result in our greatest success if we learn from it and realize we are stronger when we remain united and that we become our own biggest enemy when we are divided.

Shi Su Yan once said, “Train tirelessly to defeat the greatest enemy, yourself, and to discover the greatest master, yourself. ”We are allowing ourselves to become our own worst enemies by letting others pull our strings. The seeds of discord are not planted by anyone who does not stand to profit from them. Those seeds were planted by greed and tirelessly watered through social media, propaganda disguised as truth, and charlatans who have sold quick fixes that never materialize.

Each person can choose to be their greatest enemy or master. The enemy refuses to accept any accountability for how their life has played out. They fall for finger pointing, believing that their woes are the result of others who look or believe differently. They have turned their backs on the foundation we were built upon and want to build a new nation on sand that has already begun eroding.

A master remains strong from outside threats, keeps calm, and sets an example based on inclusion, respect, and open mindedness. They do not live their lives based on unfounded fears, but instead, remain focused on appreciating all we have, all we can share, and all we can accomplish together. They remain at peace internally no matter how loud the world around them becomes. They are the cooler heads who will prevail.

When I taught, often there were students who previously learned the louder and worse they were in class, the more power they received from their teachers. They learned to use their disruptive ways to earn rewards for doing what the rest of the class did without them. However, when they ended up trying their tactics with me, they soon learned the only reward I offered my students was getting to remain in my class. I’d point out that it takes no more time to make a positive phone call home than a negative one. The time required to write up a discipline referral took no longer than it did to grade the assignment a student missed from getting kicked out of class. I’d even remind them I get paid the same no matter how they chose to behave.

If we all think of what we receive by becoming our own masters, we’d realize it comes with internal peace, a more harmonious world to live in, and the opportunity to create a better life for the generations behind us. When our actions are driven by our anger, we set ourselves back. As Pema Chodron said, “Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.”

Or as Rumi pointed out, “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” Imagine the sorrow people are creating through their years, decades, or entire lives of anger, greed, and selfishness?

As Rodney King asked, “Why can’t we all just get along?”

Are we a nation at peace with ourselves and with others when we are spending $1.38 Trillion dollars on defense while gutting much smaller programs to help the sick, the poor, the elderly, or children in this nation? Are we a kinder nation because we are eliminating much needed aid to nations who struggle for clean water, hospitals, or displacement due to genocide?

Supporting these decisions while calling yourself a Christian or person of God is hypocrisy at best. To fear free speech, religion, or thought more than fearing what guns do to our children, families, and communities is absurd. To believe the use of more violent solutions by our leaders will create more peace and calm among citizens is as idiotic as believing taxing the working class more so the rich don’t have to pay taxes is smart economics. To want to hurt our allies by charging them tariffs that will hurt our economy is idiotic because they just return the favor which costs citizens jobs and increases what we already pay too much for at the store.

This is common sense, not politics. One path is the kinder and less stressful journey while the other makes our complicated world all the more challenging and unsettled. It takes a chaotic mind to want to create more chaos. It takes a closed mind to refuse considering having supported a mistake. It takes a quiet mind to tune it out and refuse to be bullied. Buddhism teaches us peace has nothing to do with being in a place where there is no choice, trouble, or challenges. Peace comes when you are in the midst of all those things, and more, and are able to remain calm in your heart.

I have been working hard to empty my glass of the things that stand in my way of remaining calm in my heart. It’s better going to bed each night knowing I chose not to add to or create more discord. Or as George Eliot posed, “What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?”

March 23rd: Unlearning is Learning

When I taught, students would often come up claiming to need help and say, “I can’t find the answer to this question.”

I would open their textbook and give them a general idea where they could find it, usually it was just the chapter we were working on. “But I have looked everywhere,” they’d claim,” to which I would say something like, “Then look some more.”

“Why can’t you just give me the answer?” they’d ask.

“I can, but if I do, you won’t learn anything,” was my usual reply.

“I don’t even know why I have to know this stuff,” they’d complain.

“You don’t. You just need to know how to find it.”

Most of us think learning involves accumulating answers to questions posed to them. It’s why we are misled so easily. We’re so busy finding answers that we forget to ask our own questions. We end up thinking we know who we are based on what we think we have learned. It doesn’t occur to them we are only what they want us to know.

But what if we are not who others want us to know? In America, that often results in pressure to remain silent about our true selves. More than those who do not identify as straight end up closeted out of fear of being ostracized by family, friends, employers, and society in general. But as Buddhism teaches, in order for the individual to know their true self, he must unlearn all he has learned. As we unlearn, we take on an entirely new educational process and find our true selves.

When we go in search of our true identity, others actually fear we will reject them so they strike the first blow by rejecting us. Our phone calls go unanswered, messages are never returned, we stop being included, and in the end, we feel alone. Our previous programming tells us these are all bad experiences, but the truth is, each is a gift. We shed ourselves of the world we feel we are out of touch with and in that process make room for the actual world we feel accepted by. As a door is shut in our faces, we learn that a new one opens up that leads to where we find inner peace.

Buddhism teaches us that real peace is found when we no longer feel the urge to explain or defend ourselves to others. We just are. Anyone who takes on this quest learns they often have to walk alone in order to find who they are. The problems with our nation being so divided are not the result of feeling threatened by others different from us, but rather because we are too insecure about our own beliefs that we attack others who believe differently. With each attack, our divide grows and with it our feeling of inner peace disappears. If we all felt secure enough about who each of us are as individuals, we would not feel so threatened by those who are different. We would also be able to accept their differences because they are able to accept ours.

If you think back twenty-five years, before social media exploded, our nation, and most of the world, were calmer and more tolerant of one another. It didn’t mean there was no such thing as violence or wars, but we were less distracted over issues that have little to do with our happiness. Sides quickly formed over more issues that we knew little about because we chose to simply believe the answers friends or others provided us online. We did not bother asking questions and instead upped the level in which we attacked others, often those we never knew existed but they committed the crime of posting their thoughts on a thread you did not agree with, or rather, were programmed not to agree with.

Once we became comfortable attacking strangers, we began turning on those we knew, or thought we knew. We unfriended people we did not agree with and aligned ourselves with fewer perspectives because learning about different ideas or beliefs took away our time from like-minded friends. We have access to more information, more philosophy, and more history than at any other time and the result is we know less because we do not want to go looking for answers. Why then would any individual go seeking their true self?

As Rumi wrote, “I asked a wise man, ‘Tell me sire, in which field should I make a great career?’ The wise man said with a smile, ‘Be a good human being. There is a huge opportunity in this area and very little competition.”

We are long overdue to unlearn a lot about what we think we know and start seeking real answers to what lies inside our hearts. We need to believe in our true selves far more than anyone’s dogma if we ever expect to find happiness and become good humans.

To be free is to be curious. To be confident is to be accepting of all. To be happy is to be without worry. To know, is to be silent. To be at peace is to simply to be.

This afternoon was a gorgeous spring day and I celebrated by hosting a few friends for an outdoor meal cooked on my fire pit. Quality matters much more than quantity with me so to share the afternoon with three others while we shared conversations about all sorts of topics with one exception, ourselves. There was no boasting about personal accomplishments. No debates about government. We just enjoyed sharing conversation about topics ranging from our dogs to rock and roll music.

Inside, I was pleased to be the one to spearhead and host the gathering when normally I am not apt to do so. Laughing at Bug and Henry chasing one another around the yard, raving over the brownies Gina brought, and sharing our appreciation for all we have rather than dwelling on what we lack made the day perfect. Life is much better when you want to share yourself with others while being comfortable in our own skin. It hasn’t always been that way for me, but with greater clarity in my head and an appreciation for the philosophies I have been studying, I am able to appreciate all that each day offers.

Tomorrow begins my final week of TMS. How well it works for me over the next year remains to be seen, but because I chose to also use this time to expose myself to other schools of thought, I feel better about what might lie ahead. As to what that entails is anybody’s guess. My friends and I were talking about how much each of our individual lives have changed the past six months. Each of us was shocked by what had transpired and not one of us could say they were not surprised by any of it.

I am also aware that any change for the better inside of me will only be temporary if I do not tend to my needs. The task of maintaining how I feel is a must, but all I have to do is remind myself it is much easier than having to pick myself up and start over again because I got lazy. As long as I continue to prioritize my inner peace and growth, I will remain well equipped to go with the ebb and flow of life.

The only constant in life is change. The greatest power each of us has is how we choose to respond to it. I enjoy knowing I am not under any pressure unless I place it on myself. I do not hold myself accountable to others and they need not think I hold them accountable. As Buddhism teaches, a bud never forces itself open. It waits for the right time and then opens with ease.

We need to stop worrying about what others think of us and learn to like ourselves first. Self-acceptance, not the approval of scores of others, is the only path to happiness. We may head down that path alone, but before long, we will be in the company of others who see us for who we are and not as they wish.

Some who have known me a long time may be thinking I have had another head injury. I haven’t. TMS has just allowed me to consider other ideas and choose which ones to incorporate in my life. To some, my new way of looking at life may seem like a drastic change and to others they may not notice anything different about me. There are going to be days I feel the same about myself because of life’s ebb and flow.

Don’t ask about my five year plan or what I have on my bucket list because I keep neither. If each day that passes I end up being kind, compassionate, and mindful, then that day’s life list has been met. I can sleep peacefully. I can die peacefully. I can wake up the next day and meet all three items on the same list again. If I successfully do that over five years, my bucket will be overflowing.

March 24th: Life Without A Foundation

We are programmed to build our lives on foundations that we are required to make plans down a road we may never end up traveling. Those foundations may be built on a system of beliefs drilled into us by parents, teachers, clergy, and community leaders. We are led to believe this is the path toward success when in reality, it only ensures the systems in place we inherit at birth remains. These systems do not always pay off as we are led to believe and when they don’t, disappointment, regret, and negativity sets in.

It used to drive me nuts when I was a teacher to see the public school system drill into students the concept that their entire happiness and future depends on how far they go with their education and where that education came from. A college degree was all that mattered. They never mentioned the countless ways to learn outside of a formal school setting or the endless number of great people who never received much formal education.

Knowledge is not happiness. Money is not happiness. Fame and power do not equal happiness. Happiness begins with the individual who constructs their own foundation. This requires they consider alternatives to those “taught” to them and for that to happen, a person needs enough curiosity to ask questions in search of the answers they have not been provided. We must become our own teacher and self-learner at the same time.

Eckhart Tolle said, “When life takes away the forms you thought were your foundation of your life, what’s left? The life that needs no foundation — that is the foundation. The formless. The essence.”

The very nature of foundations is to provide a rigid base to build upon. However, it is that rigid nature that stymies our growth, and all too frequently, our happiness. Solid foundations crumble over time because they lead to complacency. We end up thinking there can’t be anything wrong because we built our life on what we were taught is a solid foundation.

Our universe is not a solid foundation. It continuously grows and changes. Stars come and go. New galaxies are formed. Even our planet constantly changes. A mountain may appear to be a solid foundation until an earthquake changes it. The ocean may seem calm until a tsunami appears. If homes in the Midwest had solid foundations there would be no need for underground shelters to seek safety when tornadoes blow through.

We are taught that marriage and family are one of the foundations to build on, but what happens when they blow up? What happens when the church you rely on for strength and morality ends up in a scandal? That company you invested your career in can be sold or go out of business on any given day. What your college teaches you is likely to become obsolete in a decade, then what?

When your foundation is no foundation, you are allowing yourself the flexibility to go with the flow of constant change in this world. You build your happiness on yourself, knowing that by remaining centered and grateful for what you have, you can weather life’s storms. You see family as more than just who is your blood, but an extension of all mankind. You stop relying on consumption for happiness and become thankful for knowing your basic needs are met. You help any and everyone because you see them as an extension of yourself, not as a person of color, a particular faith, or a member of the same political party.

The more rigid the foundations you build your life on, the less flexibility you have for change because those foundations may not change with you. You could end up feeling as if you are alone because you have been programmed to see being alone as a bad thing. And you wonder why you feel bad about yourself. The only thing that travels everywhere with you is yourself so learn to lean on that person. He is the only constant you have and the only one who will remain with you throughout life.

It’s no wonder humans stand upright like a tree. We are designed to move in any direction much as a tree caught in a storm. Become your own foundation and encourage all to be theirs as well, even if they end up different than you.

In the words of Adyashanti, “If we would only see that all limitations are self-imposed and chosen out of fear, we would leap at once into the arms of grace, no matter how fierce that embrace might be.”

We are never prepared when a storm destroys one of our foundations. Our mind goes into fight or flight mode and can lead to despair and horrible decision making. That poor decision making might result in a worsening storm or even our complete demise. We see the devastation all around us and fail to turn inward and lean on our biggest asset, silence.

There is no singular path toward silence. It might be prayer, meditation, or simply deep breathing. Each relies on our own ability to calm ourselves in the worst of situations. It allows us to see the possibilities, or the light, that awaits past every storm. It slows us down when the rest of life is speeding. It keeps us centered on what we have and not on what we have lost.

Society’s foundations are actually weights we end up carrying that turn into burdens. A house that is too small requires a big change. One that is too big requires downsizing. When your church fails you, you must go in search of a new one. When your job fails to bring you joy, it depresses you. The more you consume, the more you worry about your finances. The further up the ladder you climb in life, the greater the fall that awaits you.

We can rid ourselves of our self-imposed pressures simply by relying on just ourselves as our foundation to happiness. Our comfort and contentment start and end with us. It is our choice, not a requirement, as to who or what we invite into our lives. We are not responsible for the reactions of others if we choose to respond from our hearts and not our wallets, dogma, or friends’ wants.

Individuals just need to know who they are in order to have a foundation of happiness. Laws are not for the peaceful, kind, or compassionate. Each of those qualities are choices we get to make. Parting with our money, our beliefs and our identity are also our choices. The foundations others want us to build our lives on only serve to become our self-imposed limitations. Free yourself from those and you will understand what real freedom is.

Spring has not just awakened a dormant nature, it has arrived with an awakened me. My head feels much clearer, my energy is slowly improving, and each morning I wake up looking forward to whatever unfolds. I guess this is what people call being happy. It’s a strange feeling, but unlike in the past, I am not warning myself of an impending doom. Instead, I simply embrace it and allow it to take me wherever I go. Realistically, I know there are going to be challenges ahead. However, for once, I feel as though I am equipped with the right frame of mind rather than simply relying on medication to do the trick.

My foot specialist was happy to hear that I am slowly working up to longer runs. Today, it was 14 minutes. She wants to see me in two months and sees no reason why I won’t be up to my goal of 60 minute runs every other day. However, she emphasized the importance of doing all the work necessary to maintain what I have. That means incorporating specific exercises on my days I don’t run, wearing my boot each morning to stretch out my Achilles, and listening to what my body is saying to me. The best part is, I am no longer running from myself. Now I am running for myself.

It’s no different than what awaits me when I finish with TMS. I must continue my work. I must rejoice in remaining mindful, looking at all the possibilities, and making the choices I know will work best for me. It’s hard to be angry when you practice kindness, compassion, and an appreciation for all. It’s even harder to not like yourself when you are kind, compassionate and appreciative of who you are. I have tools to use to maintain myself just as I do with my foot. Best of all, this is not work I have to do, it’s the work I look forward to doing.

Robert Louis Stevenson wrote, “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.” Some of those seeds need planting in our minds and watered, weeded, and talked to nicely in order to reach their full potential. Otherwise, nothing you plant will make much of a difference.

Lao Tzu said, “Those who understand others are clever, those who understand themselves are wise.” For that wisdom to take hold, we must all suffer. It is through our suffering we turn out stronger and wiser than before. The harder the lessons we learn, the wiser we become. Or as Winston Churchill summed up, “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity while an opportunist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

After years of living with a brain that was half empty, I now see mine as half full. How fitting for me to run across this from Paul Coelho, “Maybe the journey isn’t about becoming anything. Maybe it is about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”