Michelle Wolf haters, did I offend you?

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Good if I did!

The White House Press Association Dinner came and went and of course two things happened we could bank on. Trump did not attend and the dinner’s host, Michelle Wolf, offended him and all things Trump.

Here’s the deal. It’s called freedom of speech not the freedom to not be offended. If you don’t like a joke, don’t laugh, change the channel, or do something else. I have read and played back some of the offending remarks and came away with a few observations of my own.

Michelle Wolf is getting heat for making fun of the way Sarah Sanders looks. Sanders makes some great facial expressions when she lies, uh, I mean speaks to the press. She could probably stand to lose some weight. However, as a guy who can’t stand her almost as much as I can’t stand Trump, she at least doesn’t speak out of one side of her mouth as if she recently has had a stroke — like Wolf appears to have had. And who did Wolf’s hair? Are the 1980s back in style?

Okay, I am a middle aged white male and I guess not allowed to make such observations in today’s world. I have no idea why, especially when women are fighting for equal treatment and a liberal female comedian brags about how she is allowed to make fun of other women because she is female. The only issue I have with this is Wolf is also allowed to make fun of other men. As a result, I have to call BS on her. I also can’t help but wonder if Wolf can perform oral sex on a man if she can only use one side of her mouth? That’s not me being mean, that’s me just wondering what most every man who watched her wonders because after all, all men are pigs.

It also seems it is not okay if you were a stupid white teen and tweeted an inappropriate comment in which you used the N word, even if it took five years for the tweet to be made public on the eve of being drafted to play quarterback for the Buffalo Bills. If Josh Allen were black, no one would care, but then he probably would not be drafted to play quarterback because we all know that is a position reserved for only whites.

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen black comedians use the N word and draw huge laughs. I have also seen Jewish comics get just as big laughs making fun of Jews. I think you get where I am going with this. Call me ignorant, but if you want to rid the world of ugly stereotypes, shouldn’t the people who want this most stop relying on them to make a buck?

Recently, I was made aware anyone who gets a tattoo of any kind on their arm is anti-Semitic because that was a common spot on the body for Nazis to tattoo Holocaust victims (It’s also where Popeye and many other service men got one). I just wish I was made aware of this unwritten rule before I got one on each of my arms — not to mention the person making me aware of this was a white guy from America.

Hell, one of my tattoos even comes complete with a series of numbers. (Note to self; only wear long sleeves the next time I travel to Israel.) Strangers who have seen them have asked me if I am a Christian (Not a chance in hell) thinking the numbers are Bible verses, but never ask me if I survived Auschwitz (No, but I did survive two years in second grade).

I am also told it is not polite to make fun of old people because they can’t help that they are old. Why not? I am going to be old pretty soon and besides, these same people suck the life out of me with the way they drive, tell me their life story when I wait in line at the super market, and make me smell the stench coming from their diaper they believe no one notices they are wearing.

Some of the kindest people you will ever meet are teachers. Go to a parent conference and they make some of the most wonderful observations about kids and in the process, give hope to their parents. However, those same teachers in the lunch room or staff meeting will skewer the dolts’ parents bring into this world and then cry knowing as dumb as some are, the dumbest ones forgot to tell mom conferences were the night before and show up on the wrong night.

Parent to teacher:  Mr. Moore, why is my son failing your class.

Me to Parent: (Because I can’t give him a G or an H) Well, Mrs. Smith, your son has trouble concentrating in class (he won’t shut the eff up), and as a result, he fails to complete his work in class or take it home for homework (I asked the idiot 20 times for it and all he can say is, “Huh?”)

I am not sticking up for Trump’s idiots, I mean supporters. After all, he has bragged about groping women, made more than his share of personal attacks on Democrats and even people who use to work in his administration. He lies without repent and then lies about having lied. Still, the craziest thing about him is his supporters either just don’t care or have zero recall because they blew their brains out listening to Ted Nugent screech Cat Scratch Fever (Or did he just play guitar on that tune?).

If they were offended by the remarks made by Wolf, or anyone else, it is no big deal just as long as you do not take away their guns because as one of his moron backers once wrote to me, “It’s called the Second Amendment because the founding fathers thought it was the most important of our rights.”

Now, if I have managed to offend you by what I have written, just know, I do not care. Write my boss if you can figure out who he is. Otherwise, send me a good knock knock joke, preferably one where I am the butt of the joke. Better yet, take your favorite dumb blonde joke, or racist joke and substitute me in place of the aforementioned group and skewer me. Do you know how many of me it takes to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but I need to get drunk first before I screw anything.