Parenting 101: A course without a diploma

Dr. Schreiber of San Augustine giving an inoculation, San Augustine County, Texas. April, 1943 — Photo via Wikipedia

Last week my son came down with an ear infection. Not a screamingly painful one, but more of a grating, whine-and-pout one. A doctor’s visit confirmed that his molars have begun to break through, which resulted in a minor infection in one ear. This is very common in teething toddlers.

He was prescribed amoxicillin, which was troubling because I myself am allergic to the whole penicillin family. And while specific allergies are not carried down from parent to child, there is thought to be a genetic predisposition for allergic reactions of any kind. Dante’s recent peanut allergy made me uneasy with the thought of giving him such a potent drug.

There are differing opinions concerning administering antibiotics to children (or adults, for that matter). Alexander Fleming’s discovery of penicillin in 1928 changed the course of modern medicine.[i] But the efficacy of these kinds of drugs is diminishing due to acquired human resistance, which is thought to be from overusing antibiotics for minor conditions. [ii]

I was confronted with a dilemma: do I administer amoxicillin to my fifteen-month old, who only has a minor infection in one ear? Or do I try something else? I was advised to wait a day and see if his symptoms got better. When they didn’t, I caved in and started Dante on his medicine.

Plenty of information was available online concerning antibiotic alternatives and I wondered if I should get creative with my son’s healing, which is very much en vogue in this part of the country. Should I make my own garlic concoction, complete with essential oils and other bits of witchery? Should I take him to a Natural Doctor? Should I take him up in a hot air balloon and sing kumbaya?

Much of what I read seemed to promise a gentler healing process than the forced wellbeing of antibiotic-induced recovery. Many “alternative” treatments, while celebrated by The Holier Than Thou Parent, seem to bear some scientific soundness. I simply didn’t have the time to try them because Dante’s infection manifested so quickly.

If there is debate amongst parents concerning caring for sick children, then you better believe there is debate about every other aspect of raising them. Parenting “methods” have become an epidemic unparalleled even by a penicillin-resistant outbreak, and ardent adherents of these various parenting styles are really creepy people.

Perhaps the most hotly debated aspect of parenting during the first year revolves around sleeping. How and when to “sleep train” your child has become a necessary pursuit for some, even if the child is hitting their developmental milestones and showing no signs of abnormal sleep patterns. I have met mothers attempting to sleep train their infants at two months old, when they haven’t even gotten the opportunity to naturally adjust to nightly sleep on their own. These mothers seem to be driven by not only a selfish desire for achievement and situational perfection, but also by an unnecessary fear of judgment from other parents.

Many people who put their babies to sleep in cribs will employ a “cry it out” method to enforce their nightly routine. While I agree with not pandering to your child’s every whimper, this strategy seems too harsh for young babies. On the other hand, co-sleeping carries its own dangers, and won’t necessarily prevent disruptions in a baby’s sleep cycle. There is no uniform answer to sleeping troubles and paying somebody to enter your house and briefly assess your family dynamic seems overly optimistic. If you wouldn’t want your mother-in-law to do this, then why would you extend the privilege to a stranger?

If your baby has minor, common troubles with sleep, in what way does this reflect on you? I propose lying as a cheaper and easier solution to the anxiety associated with not having an ideal child.
“Yeah, she started sleeping through the night around three months.  Haven’t had an issue since!”
“Wow, you must be really awesome.”
“Mustn’t I?”
Problem solved.

Since raising a child is a never-ending race toward a bunch of different, family-specific goals, opportunistic psychologists, behaviorists, and know-it-alls have sought to capitalize off of parents’ insecurities. The ideology that one method will work for everyone is absurd, and will only leave parents and children discouraged when they aren’t able to live up to an expected standard. I encourage you to read the “Eight Principles” outlined by the Attachment Parenting regime. Go on, I’ll wait: CLICK HERE.

I know, right?! As though any of us really need these things outlined. Gee, I must respond to my offspring’s vital needs with sensitivity? I thought otherwise. Good advice, glad I bought your book.

Nobody knows a child better than his or her parent, and this is indisputable. Seeking validation from others via commerce-driven methodology will only diminish a parent’s confidence when it comes to making solid judgment calls later on. This is not to say that parents won’t make mistakes; of course they will. But the biggest error that can be made is not allowing ourselves to make those little mistakes in the beginning — without relying on a book, video series, or class to tell us what to do.