Thoughts without ideas

Let me begin this piece with an apology or two.

I am sorry. I am sorry for whatever my fingers are about to type out on my laptop because I have no ideas as to what to write about. Maybe my well is dry. Maybe I am sick of all things Trump related. Maybe I can no longer hold onto a thought. Maybe I just suffer from a lack of sleep or permanent case of brain fog.

Perhaps I can use a WD drug. For those of you who do not know what that is, it is like Viagra for people like me suffering from Writing Dysfunction. Usually caffeine will do the trick for me, but considering it is now 3:15 in the morning and I have sucked down two large cups of coffee since waking at 1:11, I need a new source of inspiration.

Ah, I know, I will scan the headlines and see what my homepage calls newsworthy. That should inspire me.

Well, I won’t be sleeping well knowing our fearless leader has sent warships off to the Middle East to intimidate Iran. Nor will I sleep well thinking he has done the same in the South China Sea, but I might want to up my investments into defense contractors who do business with our military because it is just a matter of time before our president decides to scratch his itchy trigger finger.

It seems the NBA and horse racing share one thing in common. If you lose, blame the officials. How about if you lose, STFU?

Why do web sites still talk about Friends 15 years after it ended? Why did they talk about it when it was on the air? I never saw the attraction to it. Of course, if I had my way, we’d all still get our news from newspapers or the radio.

This reminds me, I have no use for advertising. The best money I spend each month is the five bucks I pay to have access to commercial free Pandora. Now I listen to only the artists I want to hear without any stupid promos or witty banter and the best thing is it is blue tooth connected to my hearing aids.

This reminds me of another thing. My hearing went to hell primarily because of my love for cranking up music way beyond a level that was annoying to my neighbors. Whenever they walked past my house while I was working out in my garage, they’d give  me stink eye with an insincere wave. Now that I listen to my music through my hearing aids, they are all smiles and I think wishing me a nice day. I have no idea because I can’t hear them with the music I am listening too. Now they think I am just stupid or rude because of the clueless expression I carry as they wave hello.

Does George Clooney act anymore? Did he ever? I have yet to figure out how he became so huge? With my glasses off, I am as good looking as he is when I look in the mirror and my acting credits might be as long as his. I don’t get it.

My alumni magazine arrived the other day. Crap, am I getting old. It used to be the comings and goings of my class (Chico State class of ’81) was indicative of how young we were. Those first alumni magazines had plenty of listings of grads from the 40’s and 50’s. Now I have a hard time finding listings of grads from the 60’s and 70’s. I think I will cancel my quarterly reminder of the Grim Reaper’s approach.

Adam Sandler is funnier on the small screen that he is on the big screen.

According to People Magazine, Kim Kardashian wants to give up being Kim K in ten years. It’s nice to have goals to work for, but I think this is one she could reach in less time. Don’t be afraid to really challenge yourself, Kim.

JLo is 50. Madonna is 60. Judge Judy is close to 116. I would put my money on the judge if the three were to square off in a cage fight.

Geez! There’s another article about Friends. Enough, already. You’ve made an enemy with me.

I made the mistake of doing an online search for a CBD product for all my nerve and joint pain. Now I am only seeing ads for said products. Here is my problem. While I get why these folks want my business, at the prices they charge for a minimal amount of relief, I can buy three months’ worth of Norco and pay the out of pocket price and have enough money left over to buy a three pack of my favorite socks at my local CVS.

Don’t tell me what taking a narcotic does to you. I may act stupid on them, but I really am of average intelligence. Walk a mile in someone’s pain before you judge how they go about treating it.

Louis C. K. is banning phones at his performances. Comedians want to do their stuff and not be heckled or shamed for their content. People want to pay others to make them laugh without being offended. I want to slap the snot out of both. Why would anyone pay money to see a comedian they know is going to make fun of sensitive subjects that will anger them? Why would anyone think they could make a living as a comic without being heckled or made fun of?

Here is a bright idea. How about going on YouTube and checking out some of the bits comedians do before deciding whether or not you want to laugh or be offended?

Bob Saget makes me laugh at some of the most disgusting topics imaginable. At the same time, I love the comedians promoted by Dry Bar humor. It’s easier to laugh at topics if you have an open mind.

I am nothing without spellcheck, or is it spell check?

Is it me or are we hung up on appearance and fame more than on substance? Until this changes, we are screwed as a nation.

If you ever want to piss off a group of people on Facebook, just make fun of Stevie Nicks’ talent. Boy, there are a lot of cranky witches out there who love her.

Okay, it is 4:15 and this is all I can give you for now without having to charge my editor for overtime. If I offended anyone with my thoughts, you are welcome. If I was off base with anything, I don’t care. If, however, you have a good and inexpensive source for some CBD relief, I will consider what you have to say. Otherwise, this is all you are getting from me until next time.

Top photo is a “Friends” promotional photo