Mancation: Daters Anonymous

Sitting in my first AA meeting I had to wonder what I was doing with my life — and I’m probably not the only one. I’m sure my mother is reading this thinking I’ve lost my mind, my best friends are reading this laughing hysterically and my faithful blog followers are reading this wondering what the punch line is.

I absolutely LOVE drinking. Champagne, Vodka, Rum, and Wine have given me some of the best nights (and a few afternoons) of my life. So, why am I attending an Alcoholic’s Anonymous meeting?

Surprisingly I’m not looking for my next date, although if I hit another meeting I’m definitely getting the phone number of the tattooed fellow in the corner. And the guy with long dark hair a couple rows ahead of me was gorgeous! If I had known how many handsome hunks were recovering alcoholics I might have skipped the bars all these years and attended meetings instead.

Nonetheless, I haven’t jumped off the cliff into the abyss of alcoholism just yet, I am here because of a guy. But, he’s not just any guy … He’s got tattoos covering both arms, he’s six feet tall, has rock hard abs and is an addict.

If you’ve read any other Mancation blogs you know I always seem to find the most broken men for my love affairs. I figured since this guy has been sober for so many years, he’s less broken. At this point my mother is still shaking her head, my best friends are laughing even harder and my faithful blog followers think they know the punch line.

Anonymous Abe thinks I have a drinking problem because both times we hung out I had a couple drinks and I have a tendency to drunk text him around 2 a.m. on Friday nights (and probably Saturday nights as well).

I don’t think that constitutes me being an alcoholic, but looking through my Instagram photos I realize I’m holding a drink in almost all of them. I don’t mind trying different things when dating a new guy to see what sticks, so I agreed to go to a meeting.

The actual meeting wasn’t bad, it’s like watching one of those alcohol documentaries on Netflix. They had free coffee and snacks, it was only an hour long and it was packed full of hotties.  But, it’s not the road for me. I don’t have much to share other than some hilarious videos my girlfriends took of me when I was drunk and maybe that one time I made out with an ugly guy after too many drinks.

It’s good to have things in common with whomever you’re dating; Katie Holmes joined Scientology for Tom Cruise and he professed his love for her on Oprah. For the right guy, I would totally join Scientology.

I told Anonymous Abe that the meeting wasn’t my thing, mostly because I’m not an addict. I told him we could join a religion or cult together, maybe see a movie or go for a hike, but he said no. He said we just don’t have enough in common, that we have different lifestyles and that it will never work out with us.

Discussing Anonymous Abe with my girlfriends later that night over drinks at our favorite hangout, we came to the conclusion that I’m too accommodating. I don’t need to change myself for any guy and any guy who feels the need to change me doesn’t need to be with me. From now on, what you see is what you get!

On the other hand, I’m still willing to join Scientology for the right guy. Does anyone know if John Cusack is a Scientologist?

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