Mancation: It’s in your hands

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After unsuccessfully Tindering and spending copious amounts of time looking for someone mature and within my dating criteria, I had to take my mind off of men altogether.

Tinder didn't work out so well. (Photo by Jaimie Beebe)
Tinder didn’t work out so well.
(Photo by Jaimie Beebe)

If I do my own thing the men will come to me, and if I stop looking so hard, what I want will land in my lap. At least that’s what my married friends keep telling me …

But what is “my own thing”?  And how do I keep my mind off the fact that I’m growing older, childless, and more single by the minute?

Instead of lying in my underwear and watching multiple seasons of Bridezilla on Netflix (Ok, I watched 3 seasons of the show), I decided to be proactive. Although, some could say watching Bridezilla is proactive, because at least they’re getting married.

In light of finding something to do to keep my mind off my kingdom of single-dom, I found several fun ways to expand my mind.

• Girl’s Night: I’m not trying to boast, but I’m awesome at girl’s night.

• Join the Circus: I took this to a literal level. Unfortunately, an hour of flopping around on a trapeze and hoisting myself up a curtain was not my thing.

"Girls Night" in four selfies. (Photo by Jaimie Beebe)
“Girls Night” in four selfies.
(Photo by Jaimie Beebe)

• Go to a Museum: Going to the Museum of Death was enlightening! I spent a full day learning about the Heaven’s Gate Cult, Charles Manson, The Black Dahlia and many more men of infamous proportions. I took the time to think a lot about my ex’s while I was at the Museum of Death.

• Get Cultural: Living in Los Angeles I have the opportunity to experience all types of cultural differences: Karaoke, shopping in Chinatown, seeing concerts, and hiring a Spanish-speaking gardener.

• Join a Sports League: I joined a Rock & Roll Softball League. I’ve never seen softball and certainly never played so this was the perfect league to join. There were lots of tattoos, alcohol, vegans, an ice cream truck and blood. I took selfies in the outfield and even scored a point. All in all it was a perfect day!

• Au Naturale: Hiking is a great pastime and my dog was super happy to join me.

• Arts & Crafts: I failed at Arts & Crafts, but at least I can ward off Vampires.

• Get Pretty: Lasers, lotions, shopping, facials (not that kind), and hair dye. I want to look good next week when I go back to searching the high seas for my Captain Wonderful.

Play softball, take photos and score a point! (Photo by Jaimie Beebe)
Play softball, take photos and score a point!
(Photo by Jaimie Beebe)

• Working Out: I hate yoga. I know, I said it and I’ll say it again: I hate Yoga. If I was in a relationship with Yoga, we would have broken up because I cheated with Pilates. And hey, Pilates isn’t that bad!

• Look into the Crystal Ball:  When all else fails, turn to the professionals! No, really … if you want to know the future, find an old Chinese man that can see the future. Unfortunately, he didn’t know enough English to tell me whether my future husband would be covered in tattoos.  What he was able to get through was that if I’m not married by the age of 42, I’ll never get married!! Seriously?

Enduring a fun filled week not looking for Prince Charming, I made the decision to put my fate into my reader’s hands. For the past few months I’ve been meeting one bad decision after another and now I’m leaving it up to the strangers that read this column to pick my next date.

As you know, there are a few things I’m looking for in my Macho Man:

  1. Now I can ward off vampires and be fashionable doing it! Photo by Jaimie Beebe
    Now I can ward off vampires and be fashionable doing it!
    Photo by Jaimie Beebe

    A lot of tattoos, stomach muscles (but not too many), and he needs to be at least 6 feet tall. (I will measure)

  2. Must have a job, drive a car (preferably not a Prius), and have a place to live.
  3. He needs to live close to my house, or be willing to come to my area of town.
  4. I will perform random drug testing.
  5. He must love traveling and animals.
  6. He must be kind and use proper grammar. Cussing is ok.
  7. No crazy baby-mama-drama. This isn’t a reality show … yet.
  8. Between the ages of 35-47.
  9. No cheaters!
  10. He should want to get married and have children in the next three years (or less).

So, if you have an Uncle, Brother, Son, Grandson, Ex-Husband or Friend that you think should make a Mancation appearance – let me know! Send me a tweet @jaimiebeebe or email me — don’t forget to include that special guys’ photo!

I can’t wait to see what ya’ll come up with…

Also, be sure to follow me on Instagram for up to the moment photos of my daily life at FeatherGirl77 as well!