Mancation: Chesty in El Salvador

(Above: Roatan Beach West — photo via Wikipedia)

Where can a cute blonde disappear when she wants to run away from ex-boyfriend drama, learn to love herself, and take a break from men? Honduras of course! Well, not Honduras exact … I landed on a beautiful tropical island full of nightclubs, beaches, alcohol, hot nights, and handsome men.

Ready to board my flight, I found myself stalling at the gate. Not because I was scared to fly or nervous about being in Honduras, but rather because I was taking a quick detour through fantasy land on my way out of LA.

Remember that movie where the girl runs away and the guy shows up at the airport as she’s boarding her flight? He yells to her from across the crowd of people, begs her not to go, professes his love for her, they run into each other’s arms, kiss, and live happily ever after… well, that didn’t happen.

In reality I boarded my flight and sat next to an older gentleman with stinky feet who told me I should date his neph … I don’t think he understood what I meant by “Mancation”.

Looking back, I know that sitting alone at a bar on a tropical island full of tourists isn’t the best way to stay away from men, But, that’s how I met Chesty. He was shirtless, employed, good-looking, told me I was beautiful and bought me shots of rum. He was super dreamy.

We drank shots of rum for about three days straight, kayaked in our underwear at midnight, sang horrible karaoke, laid on the beach together and then came up with the idea to run away on vacation together. Yeah, I know we were on a romantic tropical island paradise in the middle of nowhere, but when you’re drunk, running away together is even more exotic!

So somewhere around that 37^th shot of rum we booked a trip for two, leaving the very next day. The only problem was that in our alcohol-induced stupor the details got a little hazy and waking up with a hangover I barely remembered booking our trip to Belize, while Chesty remembered booking a trip to Guatemala. Head pounding, I searched through emails until I found the trip we booked … to El Salvador? Really? El Salvador is not the top destination for romantic weekend trips with strangers.

Boarding the plane I realized this was the only time we had been sober together so I figured we should get to know each other. I asked him a barrage of questions which he politely answered: he’s not married, no kids, 34 years old, has a great job, and I know his last name. What more is there?  Certainly, no red flags so far!

El Salvador ended up being picturesque and mushy, with kisses in front of volcanoes and lovey-dovey dinners for two.

He said all the right things; he couldn’t believe he finally found me, we were meant to be together, he wanted to have children and of course wanted to get married right away.

Married? I hit the jackpot! Could Mancation finally be over after two long grueling weeks?

It’s never that easy. Chesty left for the states almost immediately after returning from our escapade in El Salvador, leaving me with fantasies of happily ever after … until I Googled him. It wasn’t that I was looking for dirt, I just figured if we were going to be together forever we should at least be Facebook friends.

But Chesty was married. Of course he was married … and had three beautiful children! Really?

Calls to Chesty’s camp were not returned.

I hope there’s a reset button on Mancation …