Self incrimination: May I ask me some questions?

Time to find out what I think about important stuff that is on the minds of my biggest fans so here are this month’s letters to myself.

Dear Jim,

Do you have any thoughts about Kanye West and his recent remarks about slavery? Were they insensitive, ignorant, or accurate? Also, what do you think of his friendship with Trump? Thanks.

Jim

Hi Jim,

Thanks for the great questions. I can tell you must be deeply concerned by these remarks so perhaps I can put your mind at ease. I was a History major back in the late 70s and took a particular interest in race relations in both the United States and South Africa. Having read what Kanye said, I must admit I do not recall this line of thinking back in college nor did I read anything of the sort in any of my text books. However, what I am most interested in is his pal Donald has yet to claim Kanye’s remarks as “Fake History” so I have to believe they are accurate. After all, we all know CNN and other news outlets are in no position to question Kanye’s astute observations.

Dear Jim,

How do you feel knowing your birth name, James, was the most given name to new born babies in the 20^th century? Were you aware of this?

Jim

Jim,

Not only was I aware of this, I was pretty disappointed to find this out. I have always prided myself on being a unique sort so I am not all that happy to know there were more of me than any other name. I was especially surprised given that by the year 2,000, there were only about 300 million Americans on the planet while there were close to a combined total of 3 billion Chinese and Indians. I kind of figure they might have placed a few names at the top of the list. Turns out, there were only Anglo-Saxon names that made the cut. Go figure.

I have also been doing some major research of late and found my name’s popularity has since fallen behind this century to the likes of Kanye, Caitlyn, Khloe, Courtney, Kim, and my favorite, North.

Dear Jim,

I see where they finally nabbed the “Golden State Killer.” Being from California, I bet this makes you happy. There is one less serial killer out there, right?

Jim

Dear Jim,

As long as officials think they caught the guy, great. However, without going into too much detail or incriminating myself, let’s just say I know for a fact I, uh, make that, the real killer has yet to be caught.

Dear Jim,

The NFL draft came and went and it seems like each year it gets to be a bigger deal? Why do you suppose that is when most of the early draftees turn out to be busts and most of the late round guys are players we never heard of?

Jim

Jim,

I agree with you. However, the military has to be wondering why they never came up with the marketing scheme the NFL uses. If they did, I bet we would still have a military draft today. There could be a military draft combine and it would be televised on the Military Channel each year. Young men and women could drop out of high school and sign with an agency to train for their combine day.

Different branches of the military could make trades with the others to move up or down so they can nab the grunt of their choice. Military experts could debate all day and all night how each branch did with their draft picks. Young men and women who go undrafted could be snapped up by private military academies where they would train to be selected the following year.

And then to add some much desired drama, we can watch those deemed not worthy of military service resort to Seppuku as they realize their dream to die in a pointless and never ending war will never happen.

Dear Jim,

If you were Robert Mueller, what would be the one question you would most want to ask Trump as part of your investigation?

Jim

Wow! Jim, that is a heck of a question and it has forced me to consider any of a number of possibilities. I guess it all boils down to this, “Mr. Trump, do you prefer mustard or ketchup with your hot dogs?”

You see, somewhere, I believe there is a smoking piece of fast food that will link Trump to the Russians. Maybe it is a Taco Bowl, maybe a Happy Meal, or maybe a tub of KFC. My point is, asking him something like this out of the blue will cause the man to come unhinged. Up to now, Trump has been a calm and unflappable guy and Mueller has to find a way to make Trump realize this is a serious investigation.

Jim,

Do you have any interest in the upcoming Royal Wedding?

No. Whoever the Kardashians or Jenners are marrying means absolutely nothing to me.

Dear Jim,

Where do you think the Trump/Kim meeting should take place?

Jim,

There is only one place I can think of that reflects the nature of both of these leaders that makes sense to me; any local county land fill will work.

Top photo of Kanye West with the TMZ crew is a YouTube screenshot