Mancation: Say Anything
Listen to this articleIn light of my recent Mancation failures, I had to write a couple break-up letters …
Dear Tinder,
You have failed me. It’s just not working out and I need to find another way to look for dates. I know we’ll be together again someday, just not right now. I hope you can understand and we can remain friends because I’d like to visit sometimes. It’s not you; it’s me. #sorry
Still Single,
Jaimie
Dear OkCupid,
I had hundreds of messages within hours of joining your site! You seemed promising, until I opened the first emails from fellow Companionless Cupid-ers.
Although I’m sure it would be a record-breaking experience I don’t want a 72 year old man to “**** me all night long”, nor do I want to know how that would even be possible.
Also, if your profile name contains the words “50 Shades of…” attached to some stupid word like your name… please stop. You are not “50 Shades of Dave” or “50 Shades of Matthew”. You are “50 Shades of Dumb” and “50 Shades of So-Last-Year”.
One last thing … the men on okcupid need to come up with new pick-up lines. #seriously
Still Single,
Jaimie
Reeling from the backlash of these break-ups, I called my Mother for some sound advice …
Mom: You should date John Cusack.
Me: I’ve never met John Cusack.
Mom: He lives in Los Angeles.
Me: A lot of people live in Los Angeles that I don’t know.
Mom: Well, he’s on Twitter.
Me: What would I tweet him?
Mom: You could “say anything”.
Me: Good one, Mom.
So here it goes, this one’s for my Mom…
Dear John Cusack.
My Mom thinks we’d be a great couple so I put our photos side-by-side and she seems to be right. (See attached photo). After looking at the aforementioned photo I’m sure you find it hard to believe that I’m still single, but indeed I am. Because we don’t know each other, I want to share with you some reasons that we should go on a date:
- 1. My mom likes you.
- 2. We both love Fishbone.
- 3. We both have a tendency to stand in the rain while people take pictures of us.
- 4. One of my favorite movies is “Dirty Dancing”, and I’m sure you like it too. Who wouldn’t?
- 5. We both live in Los Angeles and are on Twitter.
#notastalker
Sincerely,
Jaimie
Follow me on Instagram: FeatherGirl77 for more selfies than you can shake a stick at. My mom says I’m on twitter, so follow me there too @jaimiebeebe.
Jaimie Beebe is 36 years old, single, modern, and a Renaissance woman. She’s a writer, world traveler, Playboy model, amateur magician, casting director, producer, band manager, and occasional star fucker (only the really hot ones).
At 17 Jaimie left home to follow the jam band Phish, spent months at a Rainbow Gathering, protested logging in Oregon, and made the local Ohio papers getting arrested for organizing a topless march.
Slightly famous for rebuilding her Hollywood Hills home in a bikini after a contractor stole her money and left town, she created an online webisode “Bikini Builders” where followers could donate money, tools, and supplies to recoup her losses. Scantily clad babes in bikinis on camera can accomplish almost anything.
Jaimie holds a Master’s Degree in Music Management and a Bachelor’s Degree in Photography. Working in the entertainment industry she has produced commercials and music videos with A-list clients. Currently she juggles running her successful casting career (www.jaimiecasting.com) with writing her blogs, reviews, and a variety of pieces for different publications.
Mancation is her documentation of adventures in dating. Join Jaimie in the struggle to find mister right, or possibly just mister right now in a world of online dating, social media, and crazy Hollywood nights. See our hero navigate the deliriously deranged dating world, and explore all the available options to sniff out a worthy contender.
Feel free to follow along on Instagram: FeatherGirl77 and Twitter @jaimiebeebe as well as Facebook www.facebook.com/mancation.story for a daily dose of her dating disasters.